Oh ma-re!  What a day.  I'm pretty sure I cannot describe the chaos of the day.
I woke up first things and went to the market because we were expecting a friend from Chittagong to visit (who never showed up actually..).  On my way home a girl insistently grabbed my groceries and wanted to earn some money carrying them home for me.  So her- and 2 other girls- came all the way home with me.
Then a weird twist of events, we were able to have our little, abused friend who spends all day alone on the street spend the day with us.  We're not fully aware of the whole situation, but the poor little guy is obviously malnourished.  We thought he was 3, but apparently he's actually six. He has a cut on his leg that we were told was from his mother cutting him with a knife. And, we've actually seen her beat him before.  We are constantly fighting children who abuse him.  We even see adults tormenting him with food. He has obviously had about zero training in his life and seems to have possible mental issues/hearing issues.  He has 2 huge lumps on his head which look like tumors or something.  He's filthy and naked.  He cannot talk at all.  And, oh my goodness- he literally screeches as loud as a chimpanzee. All the time.  Oh- it's very stressful.  All of us chased him around the house, getting him out of things, trying to bathe him, trying to make him stop screaming, trying to get marbles and whatnot out of his mouth, saving him from hot cups of coffee and sharp knives, rescuing things he through down the toilet, feeding him, cleaning up, picking up chairs he tipped over, getting hit in the face (he thinks that's really funny), changing clothes he puked/peed on... It's sounds very glamorous reading about people who help children in need.  Today was a huge reality slap.  It's not glamorous at all, and it is going to take a lot of work and patience.  But, seeing that poor child laugh.  Oh his laugh!  Or seeing him smile.  All day we hear him screaming outside because people torment him and he's hungry and thirsty- it's awful.  He never laughs out there.  When he climbs up on your lap and grabs your arms and wraps them around himself... It makes it all worthwhile.  After his mother came and got him today they were out on the street.  I started walking past them and he came and ran into my arms and wrapped his arms around my neck and would not let me go.  I wondered what his mother must think? To see her child run into the arms of a near stranger like that?  Eventually I just had to hand him back to her.  Apparently his father lives in Kuwait with his second wife. His mother is very poor and washes dishes for somebody.
On top of that- we had another friend over- his name is Arif and he is 12.  A very nice boy who speaks fairly good English.  And likes to play guitar and sing.  Very loudly.  So add that to the shrieking!  I really, really like that kid.  Always so friendly and polite when we see him in the street. He is a cousin to the other boy we had.  Apparently his father died in a car accident.  He told me his mother doesn't have enough money to send him to school.  He also has some scars and when I asked him about them he said it was from his mother but I couldn't understand if it was an accident or not.  After awhile our landlady's servant girl came and got Arif and told him to leave.  According to her he has a record of stealing and he is not a good boy.  It was so heartbreaking to see him- he sat there, not able to look up at us and looking like he was going to cry and told us what she had said about him and that he needed to go.  It was so sad.  He is my favorite of all the kids.
Then- on top of that- we had 2 other children come over and play.  Then our landlady came to visit.
Our apartment was full today.  And oh so hot.  All of the doors had to be shut so Limon didn't get into stuff, so there was zero breeze.  In the chaos, even doing dishes or trying to study was basically impossible.  And today, in the middle of all that we were trying to Skype with my grandma.  You'd be trying to talk and you'd have to stop because of the shrieking or you'd get hit with a soccer ball...
It's been really bizzare.
Then us girls were watching a movie and this enormous beetle flew into our room.  Lots of shrieking. And then a few minutes later another bug flew on us.  More shrieking...haha..
After all that, I finally get to bed and I can't sleep. Beshi chinta (too much thinking).  Because I started thinking about Friday when we are having our first family to dinner here.. and I started thinking about what to make.. and guess what?!  I don't really know how to cook Bangla food!  Then I kind of started panicking and mentally calculating what I would cook, and how I would cook it and when I would cook and how I would make enough room for everyone to sit and wondering if I had enough serving bowls or enough glasses, wondering which rice I should cook. Wondering when I should go to the market, which stores and what would I need. Thinking I should cook beef- then thinking they were Hindus before they became Christians.  Maybe they don't like beef!  So chicken.  Yes- wait, I still don't know where to buy decent chicken at.  Do they eat dessert after dinner?  Will they want cha? Will they stay for awhile after dinner?  What time should we eat? What lentils should I buy because- we have to have dhal of course.  Oh wait.  How do they cook their dhal?  And so- I am up at 1 in the morning researching dhal and Bangla cooking.  
Oh my goodness.  This is not as easy as it looks. ;)

Okay- so I have to admit, the last couple days have been super frustrating.  A lot of little annoyances plus a few really hurtful things, add a little bit of frustrating drama and being really tired...and pretty much-  I just burst into tears.  What can I say...? ;)  Poor Hannah.  I think me actually crying pretty much rocks her world... I rarely ever do, so when I do.  It's for real. ;)
After a good cry and a visit to an air conditioned place with coffee and American burgers.. I must say- I do feel a lot better. ;)  Guess I'm pathetic and it doesn't take much.
What I realize is this-  if I had enough love, enough patience, enough longsuffering.. none of these things would bother me.  I'm stretching all the love I have- trying to make it enough to cover the day- and there's just not enough there.  My ability is just not enough, and it leaves me realizing, once again, how much I need Jesus.  I can't do any of this by myself.  It's too much. And I just don't have it in me.  It's just one of those things you know- but I am always forgetting.
We sang a song today for Bangla class... it sounds a little funky in English because it's transliterated, but a few lines in it really impressed me-


"When love is present, what a sweet sound.  When that which causes irritation comes, anger does not arise - when love is present."

"When love is present, what humbleness!..."

"When love is present, what beautiful fruit! Brothers and sisters dwell together in unity and are one worshiping group.  When they receive the opportunity to help, they are very happy, when love is present."

*big sigh*... I was able to catch my breath a little bit today- tomorrow Suranjit is taking us to a different beach after church (church here is on Friday).  It's quite a ways away and I guess there's coral reefs and hills and stuff there.  I'm actually pretty excited.  Getting away sounds really nice.

Kicking myself.  I guess I know it's totally pride and selfishness and arrogance that demands appreciation.  So hard to remember that.  I'm trying to remember to do things, not for man- but for the Lord. And I know when my heart is right there I won't be angry about not being appreciated or not being helped.  I'll be doing it all for right reasons...  And, probably the best thing is that I will be able to do it all with joy. Instead of annoyance and frustration and anger because I feel like I deserve better treatment. Basically, it seems like I'm not happy either way.  I want to find the joy in serving others- and forget about my stupid pride.  Ugh-feeling pretty frustrated.  

Just sitting here waiting for class to start... in the dark- because the electricity is out yet again. It's pretty annoying especially since I haven't had my morning coffee yet.  Which btw, is now usually instant coffee.. haha.. never thought I'd see the day that that happened!
Someone made the comment to my Mom, "It's hard there?  Really?  It looks like you're living in paradise!  The beach.  Beautiful clothes.  Coffee!"  Someone else asked her, "So what are the things you love?"  So we were all talking about it yesterday. And it's funny.  Because there are a lot of things that are interesting, and there are a lot of things that are okay here.  And then there's just the fact that everything is more challenging.  There are a lot of things that are better than I expected them to be.  For instance-  Yes.  the clothes are beautiful.  But what people don't see in the pictures is that we are wearing big scarves and long pants in like 86 degree weather and 70 percent humidity.  The beach is a lot of fun, but it's literally the only place we have to go.  So the other day we had a day off and so we got dressed to go someone where and couldn't think of anywhere to go but walk to the beach! haha...  The coffee shop is really nice- and it's more than I expected to have, but I wouldn't ever buy that coffee in the states.  Our kitchen is totally fine.  Totally workable, but there's all the little things like mold that has to be cleaned, and you have to heat water for dishes, and you have to fill basins to wash the dishes in... it's not a big deal.  But all of those little things add up- and some days it's overwhelming.   It's all okay, and you can deal with it.  It's not extremely hard so it's hard to explain.  Sometimes the electricity goes off and so we sit in the dark with sweat pouring down our faces.  So annoying! haha..  And everywhere you go people are following you, staring at you, taking pictures of you- sometimes that's annoying.  Us girls are getting more and more concerned about going out alone.There's no one to talk to because we don't speak the language.  You go shopping and you have to be creative in trying to communicate what you want..  It's all okay, but some days it's just a lot.
I have to confess- the other night I just felt so overwhelmed and tired.  I went and laid on my bed, just feeling pretty sorry for myself.  I just wanted to lay there and cry.  I had to remind myself why I came- and so I just got up and found some work to do.  Actually- it really helped me.  And I want to keep that perspective.  I want to live with purpose everyday.  And, more than that-  I want to do it with a right heart.  Which- oh my goodness- I'm really failing at right now.
In a lot of ways, I kind of feel like I'm at a point of decision right now. For a long time, it seems like I've kind of been..in the middle. And I'm kind of tired of it.  It seems like there has to be a point when you decide if it will be all for God or nothing.  It's not okay to be so stagnate.
We have a friend here who is one of the very few believers here.  He goes out and shares about Jesus with people, and they don't like it.  He  he has been beaten and put in jail... and I think he was 15 at the time?  The church he goes to doesn't like that he goes out and shares and baptizes people- so he cannot share what he's doing with them without causing big problems.  He's totally alone.  He has no friends here.  He lives in a Hindu part of town where people don't really like some of the things they do- so they have to secretive otherwise there will be big problems.  And they have to be secretive with the Muslims as well. Like 7 or 8 years ago his mother  had a stroke and she can't talk anymore, and she can't really use one of her arms.  He said they spent all of their money on her medical bills.  Then a year or so ago his father was hit by a motorcycle and couldn't work for 6 months. He is very poor, with very little support, and yet he still goes out to villages and preaches and shares with people. He's trying to encourage his church to share more... He told me yesterday something about not being able to sleep well  because he is the oldest son and he is responsible for his family and he has so much stress. It is really hard and he's just totally alone.  It's actually pretty humbling- kinda makes you realize how pathetic you are. Kind of makes me realize where I'm at- it's not enough.  It's not enough to be so half-hearted.  And there must come a point where you decide which way you're going to go.

My lack of writing anything the last few days says a lot actually- it makes it pretty clear that there's not much going on.  ;)  Well, there is and there isn't.  It's been a month? or almost a month?  or something like that.  I still can't keep track of the days!  Things are getting pretty routine.  The things that used to be kind of new and exciting are just becoming... work.  It's okay. I actually like work.  To be honest, the last few days have been kind of difficult. I've had some real feelings of missing home.  Feelings of boredom.  There's not really anywhere special to go, or anyone special to see...  Sometimes I feel like I should be at a different place in life (which has nothing to do with being in Bangladesh).  You know that 'So.. are you married?' question?  Well.  I get that a lot.  Even here. :P  You know, it's kinda funny. The challenging things here are the same things that were challenging in the States.  Same family struggles and all that stuff. Still struggling with being content with exactly where I am at. Still struggling with having total confidence that HIS plans are the best, and that they are good.  Still struggling to believe HE has my best interest at heart.  It's when I forget all that that I get discouraged.  I get tired.  I go to bed early with a heavy and weary heart because it's hard, and I want to escape.  What I am realizing is this- what we usually think are the big things in life, really aren't.  The big things are actually the most simple.  Believing God.  Trusting Him.  Looking to Him for strength.  I hear the verse quoted, "the joy of the Lord is my strength."  And when I stop to really think about that-  it's pretty rare I'm actually living with that strength and maybe I'm not even sure what the "joy of the Lord is".  But I believe if He is my joy- it doesn't really matter where I'm at .  In Bangladesh or in the States- married or single- alone or with people...
I was pretty worn out Thursday night, both physically and emotionally (:P), so I went to bed early and decided to stay home from church Friday morning.  Which, I gotta say, having a little time alone is pretty nice!  I was just feeling pretty discouraged.  Us girls went out to Cafe 14 for coffee- and for the first time in my life I opted to buy a chicken sandwich over coffee.  Which did help improve my mood actually! (haha)  Then we took the volleyball net to the beach and played for awhile and went swimming.. it was actually a lot of fun.  We had about 50 people gathered around watching us...crazy.
Like most everything, life here is bittersweet.  There are the good things and there are the hard things- good days and bad days...

I guess the rain is here to stay for awhile.  Cause it's not stopping.
I keep forgetting how long everything here takes.  I went out shopping today in search of a few things.  And came back with none of it.  So it goes.
Today we were walking down the street and this guy reaches out his hand to Emily.  We've had lots of men come up and shake all of our hands, say hello and ask us where we're from, so we didn't think much of it.  Until the guy grabbed her hand, twisted her arm around so he could get a good grip. pulled her to the truck and wouldn't let go!  Emily really had to fight to get away. It was actually really creepy.  I don't know that she was in any real danger.  But it just makes you realize how extra cautious you have to be.  Poor girl! It really scared her.  As the guy drove away he just kept smirking at us.  I tried to give him my most angry look, which I apparently failed at according to Emily.  haha.. I did shake my head at him...what can I say?  I tried. ;)  I wanted to punch him in the face.
It's busy now, and sometimes I get caught up in all this 'doing' and I never stop to think about where I'm at, where I'm going.  If you asked me where I'm at?  I would tell you I don't know.  Honestly,  I can't remember the last time I really felt I was doing well.  I don't remember the last time I felt like I was moving forward.  Austin put it pretty well the other day when he said, "It seems like the higher I get up on the perceived  holiness scale, the less holy I feel."  And it's true.  I'm like- on the mission field.  And I feel more aimless than I ever have.  Kinda feel like a failure.  A disappointment.  It seems like my parents are  pretty disappointed in me.  They see a lot of fault, and I don't blame them-  I see it too.  And, I guess, I'm disappointed in me too.  I just don't know how to change really.  I guess with their disapproval, and my own-  I just don't have that feeling that God looks at my life with great pleasure..  and I've kinda been stuck here for awhile.  Just feeling pretty low.  Being humbled is one thing, it's another to feel defeated.  I feel too weak to try.  I don't want to think about it, because it's too hard, and it feels impossible and mostly cause I don't know where to start. And, if I'm honest,  I've just kind of become lazy.  I've started living with a flippant, 'oh well,  I don't care attitude'.  I don't really know why.  I know I don't want to stay here, I just don't know the way forward.
Anyways, I guess that's where I'm at.
Other than that, we finally had Emily's birthday party.  We went out for pizza last night and went shopping in the markets on the beach.  Then today we went out for coffee at Cafe 14- which is always nice. :)

I am currently avoiding homework.  It's late and I'm tired- and so I opted to hang out on the computer instead of working on school. ;)  I know it's only been like a week since I've been studying Bangla, but it's pretty sad when people don't have a clue what you're saying!
The rain today has been crazy.  I've never seen anything like it!  We went shopping and came back soaking wet- although we were having a kinda/sorta water fight...
So- creepiest experience ever today. Emily and I went for a walk this afternoon.  I wanted to show her this one beach we found that's really pretty, but everything is really flooded right now.  So we get on the road and it's flooded.  I was about to turn around when these guys said, "Are you coming?  Walk this way!"  And they start showing us a way through the water.  Which I should add- was a concrete walkway that was a few inches wide and about 4-5 inches underwater.  On one side was the road, which was probably up past your news and on the other side was like a 6 foot deep sewer canal.  One wrong step- and it would not be good.  You'd be over your head in a sewer.  So we precariously cross over the water and continue down the road to the beach.  They started asking us the normal questions, "What is your country?"  You like Bangladesh?"  Didn't think much of it- that's all pretty normal.  So we get to the beach, and start walking up the beach and they start walking beside us up the beach.  Chatting as much as we could with our limited Bangla and their limited English.  He asked about our family, and America, and I dunno, just whatever he could ask in English.  Then he asks me, "You are here with your husband?  No.  You are married?  No."   A few minutes later..  "Is your husband here?" No... Emily looks at me "Caley!  Did you see his face when you said you weren't married??!"  Then he tells us, "Oh.  I am going to America.."  So they walk with us all the way up the beach and then Emily and I start walking off the beach to our road... aaaand.. they follow us.  We're thinking surely not.  Then he says something about the beach being very beautiful.  To which I replied, "Yes. VERY beautiful."  Emily looks at me and says, "Caley.  You idiot!  He didn't say the beach was beautiful he said, you both are very beautiful!"  oops... ;)  Then they ask us if we want to have coffee with them.  No.  Then they asked if we would have tea with them.  "No.  We have to go home."  So we start walking home and think they've left.  But no.  They were still walking about 20 feet behind us.  We started walking SO fast.  And then they caught up to us.  And were walking right behind us.  And they literally followed us to about 100 feet away from our apartment.  It was so creepy!  Emily and I decided we don't really want to walk alone anymore..
Anyways, that was my interesting experience for the day. haha...
Now.  For my homework I suppose... *sigh*

Listening to her a lot lately. I pretty much love her voice!

I'm hiding out on the veranda, listening to music, when I probably should be heating up something for lunch for everyone. Ah well... they'll figure it out. ;)
I woke up this morning to rain pouring outside. I know a lot of people think rain is depressing... it always makes me feel cozy.  It was absolutely pouring and our street was totally underwater.  It feels cool and clean out here today and being outside is actually inviting.  So here I am.
My favorite part of the day is right before language classes in the morning.  The house is clean and there's just a moment of calm...  with that and the rain-  I feel particularly content this morning.
We played aggravation last night.  We laughed and laughed.  And ate jelly beans.  It's like the funnest thing that's happened in a while..haha.. what can I say? ;)
And I guess there's pretty much no point to this post.  Just a glimpse into the average day here. ;)

Not much to say.  Life is kind of getting into a pretty predictable routine these days.  Which is okay.  I can work with routine. ;)
Mom asked me today how I felt about being here. It was kind of a strange question to answer.  I feel like I should be here, so that definitely keeps things in perspective.  And I think I'm doing exactly what I came to do- and I'm trying to do it with a better attitude.. (haha)...  I guess I'm just the sort of person that takes things as they come.  I can usually accept/deal with it in the moment and be okay.  And that's how I feel.  There are sad things, and there are happy things.  Seems like everything is bittersweet.  I am busy and that helps immensely. There are definitely moments when 'home' sounds so nice.  Being where you are comfortable and happy and everything is normal. I don't know where that is for me exactly, but it does sound nice. ;)  Now that I am here, I'm very glad I came.  I would not want to have missed this.  The future seems very unclear.  (Of course.. when doesn't it?)  I don't know when the last time was that I truly had *definite* plans...haha..  I don't know how long I'll be here.  I don't know when I would go home, or even where I would go.  I just don't know.
Which is pretty much exactly how I felt when I was living in Oregon.. so I guess not much has changed really!
And, I guess I don't really need to know right now.  For now, today- I am pretty content to be here. It's just where I am at for now.  And it's okay.
Ask me tomorrow and I might feel totally different... haha ;)

This was SO much fun.. :)

Today is a hartal day, so- as far as I understand it- it's like a day where different political groups call strike days where it's kind of dangerous to be out. They do "demonstrations" like burning buses or throwing rocks at people.  So it's safest to stay indoors, especially for foreigners as we draw a lot of attention.  So anyways.  Here we are stuck indoors for a couple days.
Yesterday we went to KFC and has American food.  Oh yes.  It was so good.
Then we went to the beach.  I tried to do some of my homework on the beach.  But when you have a bunch or people curiously peeking right over your shoulder... it's kind of difficult!  So I opted to go swimming instead and- oh my goodness- the waves were amazingly terrifying!  We had so much fun.  With the exception of our clothes tearing like crazy. :-/
Then we went on a big shopping expedition for material for clothes. Suranjit came with us and helped us get good prices which was so wonderful.  It's so difficult not knowing how to do anything here.  Here you don't look at the price of something and then decide if you want it. No. You find what you want, then they tell you the price and then you bargain with them and then you decide if you want it.  It's such a pain- particularly when you don't speak Bangla.  It's SO stressful!
That's what's driving me crazy. Never knowing how things are supposed to go.  You go shopping and you don't know when to ask for the price, or how to ask for what you want, or if you can look through the stuff yourself, if you should wait for them, if you should sit down, what you want.  Then you're not sure what's considered appropriate to wear...
You go to someone's house and don't know if you should help yourself, if you should take your shoes off, how long you should stay, how much you should eat, when you should leave, how you should sit, how to say thank you.
You go out to dinner and your trying to figure out how to eat politely with your hands.  What different stuff is.  How to wash your hands.  Watching everyone around you to figure out something as simple as eating.
You walk down the road and don't know if you should greet people or if/how you should respond when men greet you.  It's just annoying. You are introduces to an older woman and don't know if it's appropriate to greet her first, but you don't want to be rude and not greet her if you should but you don't know.  And being respectful is very emphasized here. You never know what is appropriate.
Last night we went decided it would be fun to try going out for tea.  As we were walking into the shop mom asked Suranjit if it was okay for women to go in.  He says, "For Bangladeshi women... No.  Foreigner.. (uncertainly shakes his head) it's okay..."  Talk about uncomfortable!  We drank our tea.  Quickly.  Walked out and mom says, "I feel like I'm a whore!!"  And we totally did.  It was so embarrassing...
Anyways- that's what's difficult.  Trying not to be scandalous, but just never knowing if you are or aren't.  Oh the irony of my nickname from conference!  I should've walked into the shop and said, "It's SCANDY!!"  haha
And you'd think you could be home and relax but no.. you have to very careful about what you wear around the house.  You can't step outside on your veranda without being fully dressed complete with your orna (scarf).
That's what's so nice about going into an American place.. it's so refreshing.  It does make you really miss being comfortable in your own culture with your own people.  Living in a different culture is interesting and fun, but it's definitely exhausting and confusing at times. So-  I'm kinda actually enjoying being stuck inside. ;)

We had been warned when we first got here that "this is a man's world" and that sometimes shopkeepers and men will totally ignore you and not help you.  This doesn't seem like a society that really puts women first...  We haven't really experienced. Until day.
My mom and I went to a shop we've been to quite a few times, and they usually give us good service.  Not with us.  I'm thinking usually one of the guys must have been with us before.  We stood there for like 15 minutes. They weren't even very busy.  They would stand there and chat with people.  Taking their sweet time about everything.  They wouldn't help us.  Mom said we should just leave, but I didn't want to be rude so we waited longer... they served like 10 other people who had come in after us... we still waited...  Finally, we just decide we are going to leave and go next door.  The shopkeeper calls out, "Sister!  Sister!"  So I turn around.  And I kind of lost my temper.  Which I never do like that.  Seriously- I don't think I've ever complained or said anything to anyone in a situation like that! haha... But tonight I turned around, totally annoyed, and said to him (in my best Benagli accent, cause I can't speak Bangla..haha) "We have been waiting and waiting over there (emphatically pointing over there), We have been waiting for someone to help us (pointing back and forth). Nobody will help us! (points up to the shelf).  We will stay if you are going to help us!"  He gives an annoying smile and nods.. so we went back in, they helped us get a few things, handed us the bill. And walked away again. It was way too much money.  So we waited again. While they ignored us.  Finally mom called the guy over, he helped us correct the bill.  I walk over to pay while they slowly bag up the stuff and I stand there for like 5 minutes with the money. The man starts saying something to me in Bangla with this annoying smile on his face.. his expression basically said, "Oh. It's not a big deal.  I'm sure you understand."  I don't have any idea what he was saying, but I was definitely not smiling back at him. "Ami buji na" I said.  (I don't understand.)  Ami buji na? He asks and then chuckles. Oooohh.. I was so mad at him.  Then the guy counts and recounts and counts again the bill.  Finally figures he's calculated it right.  Oh my gosh.  Mom and I were so angry!!  She's like, "I can't believe you actually said something!"  I think she was pretty shocked.  Anyways..  I am going to work on some choice Bangla phrases for the next time I need to tell someone how rude they are. ;)

Today we went to a place called Cafe 14.  Oooh... we stepped in, the air conditioning hit us and it felt like.. home. I guess I'm not used to air conditioning anymore because it started burning my nose! haha ..  It was really nice though- just to sit there in the cool, clean room- sipping coffee and eating muffins.  I don't know how long I've been here, but it felt like a breath of fresh air.  30 minutes of home.
We went running again this morning.  I love running, but running here.. oh. it's like death.  It's nice for about 10 minutes and then it's like your body says, Nope. It's too hot.  There a movie in one of the Bourne series where Matt Damon is running down a beach in India.  He looks super cool and tough, cruising down the sandy beach with waves rolling in.  Welll... that's definitely not me. haha
I have been in a pretty regular habit of reading my Bible since I was like.. 12..  but lately- I go to read it and it seems like I've read it a hundred times.  The same things over and over.  I keep waiting for some profound revelation, but it's all the same... I pick it up and cannot think of where I would like to read.  And there's the truth of it. ;)  I find I really need to stop and remind myself to really think and consider the implications of what I'm reading.
 I have been reading  John lately and I was encouraged this morning by chapter 5.  It's the story of the man who was lying there waiting to be healed for 38 years.  Just lying there, waiting for someone to put him in the pool.  What the man knew was this, "In order to be healed- I need to get in that pool at the right time."  But when Jesus came- He had totally different plans.  The same goal, but a totally different way of accomplishing it.  The man basically tells Jesus, "I need someone to put me in the pool."  Jesus response? 'No. That is what you think you need, but what you really need is me.'  And so Jesus heals him.  He didn't help Him get in the pool, which is what the man expected to happen in order to be healed, because Jesus was enough in Himself.  The man had to do nothing.
It just really struck me that so often we say, "Lord, this is what I need..."  And we expect it to be accomplished in a certain, expected way.  "Lord this is what I need, and this is how I expect you to accomplish it."  We fail to realize that Jesus will accomplish His purposes, but, more often than not, it is going to be in a different, totally unexpected way.
I know this verse is quoted all the time, but think about it, "...Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that  we ask or think..." (Ephesians 3:20)
And with that I think I shall go to bed. ;)

Just sitting here in the dark waiting for the henna Emily just put on my hands and feet to dry.  It's late- and I'm going to go running at 6 o'clock tomorrow so I should be asleep but... this stuff just takes forever to dry!
Today is the day we have church, so it's basically like our Sunday.
It's been super hot here today.  So naturally we spent a good deal of time swimming. ;)
Today was a big Muslim holiday.  Everyone was out, totally decked out, celebrating the end of Ramadan. We were invited over to our landlady's house for lunch.  Pretty interesting... ;)
My head is full of thoughts tonight.  All jumbled up.  All uncertain.  I keep trying to get my feet going in some direction, but I end up just feeling aimless...  I am busy.  I am doing, doing things I feel confident I am supposed to be doing.  But, I dunno- something is lacking.  It seems like I cannot wrap my mind around things.  It's difficult to explain... so I don't know why I'm trying! ;)  It's been nagging at me for awhile and I'm just not quite sure what it is yet...
Anyways.. I'll keep thinking about it and eventually come to some conclusion I'm sure, cause, well... that's just how I am. ;)
On another note- now that Ramadan in over we can get porothas, which I love! And... finally some clothes.  We've each had about 2-3 salwar kameez which have had to make do for all our working, swimming, church clothes and well... everything but out pajamas.  They're the nicer salwar kameez and so they're not very comfortable..and a little bit overly dressy for dishes.  We are all super excited about finally getting some 'everyday' clothes. :) 

I walked into my room tonight which has a bathroom attached to it.  I thought I heard someone in the shower but the door was open so I called out, "Who's in there??"  Isaac replied' "It's me! I'm using the bathroom!"  A few seconds later he walks out with one of those looks that only Isaac can make and said, "Caley.  'It' was SO big I thought 'it' was going to explode...! 'It' was like a...bomb!"  I laughed so hard.  What a kid.
Aaand my iPod seems to be unharmed.  Yay!!  So glad. :)

I've had pretty much... the most bizarre morning ever.  So.  I went running this morning, in a full salwar kameez of course. Long pants, long shirt and a scarf.  Let me tell you- it's hot and it's sticky.  Anyways, on the way back I dropped my iPod right in a puddle.  A nasty muddy puddle with trash in it.  I couldn't even see where it went in it was so thick and cloudy.  I'm digging through the nasty puddle when Austin finally found it.  Thankfully. It seems to be working. :-/  I will die without an iPod.
Then I came home to find there was no water which means no breakfast.  Nothing opens very early here so I had to wait until 8:00 or so and walked to the shop to get eggs and water.  Came home and started cooking breakfast, got out the bananas and there was this stupid banana leaf that wouldn't come of off my hand.  Then I started shaking my hand.  Still wouldn't come off.  Shook it harder and felt the banana leaf like.. gripping my hand.  That's when I realized- this is not a banana leaf.  I screamed like a banchee! Scared everyone in my family to death.  That poor little gecko.  Apparently, when alarmed, geckos will lose their tales.  This guy? yeah.  he definitely lost his tail.  Scared his tail right off... haha
There has been this little boy down the street from us... he sits outside on the street all day, totally alone.  Naked except for an old dirty shirt. He looks like he's maybe 4?  He has two huge lumps on his forehead which look like tumors or something.  He can't talk.  We have seen other kids come up and kick him or stomp on his legs.  Or just torment him.  Sometimes he just starts screaming and crying and we don't know why.  We've all been really concerned about him.  We heard him crying one day and looked out to see some other kids dragging him down the concrete.  Then his mom came around the corner, the other kids ran away and she started beating the little boy with a wooden broom thing all over.  In his face and on his head.  He couldn't even catch his breath.  It was really terrible.  Anyways, we've been giving him food now and then.  Nobody feeds him all day and he just inhales the food we give him.  Dad started asking about him and ended up talking to his mom and arranging that we would watch him from 8-6.  She was supposed to bring him this morning but never showed up. We saw him on the street so Dad went and brought him home.  We bathed him and gave him breakfast and clean clothes.  He just was hanging out with us when his mom showed up and seemed to be upset.  Austin asked her if there was a problem and she said no and took the boy.  A few minutes later she came back with another lady.  We couldn't understand what she was saying but she said something about being a relative.  Dad asked her, "No mercy?  Does God have no mercy?"  So they went home and the boy started to come back to our house.  His mom came after him and her and the relative took him back and started like hiding? in a garage.  I was watching them and they saw me.. and seemed worried.  Anyways, it's all really confusing.  Suranjit said our landlady called him and said the mom had approached her and asked what we were doing, why we wanted to take care of him and apparently thinks there must be some benefit in it for us.  It's insane.  So now he's at the apartment of a man across the street who helped dad in finding information about the boy. I have watched that man's son picking on the little boy with a sick and making him cry.  He came out on the veranda and waved to Jackson and his mom came out and slapped him.  It's just terrible.  I'm not sure what we are going to do yet.  Hopefully Suranjit can help us out.
On a lighter side-  I and lentils for lunch today.  Suddenly I realize the rice smells kinda like well, a cow. haha... We were all out in the living room discussing it and Jackson was spraying oldspice when Emily walks out and says, "Why does it smell like a barn out here?!" The rice tasted just fine though. ;)
Oh and we saw a family of cows hanging out at the beach...it's just been a weird day. ;)

So- we haven't been eating much meat lately, and, let me tell you, if you saw the pathetic meat over here you'd understand why!  And, if you know me very well, you would know I kinda have an aversion to eggs.  There were actually a few years I couldn't even bring myself to eat them.  I eat them now... but I'm still pretty picky about them. And I have definitely been avoiding them here.  Eggs? In a dirty third world country?  Nope.  The other morning my mom said to me, "Caley, you aren't getting any protein at all in your diet. You really should eat some eggs or something..."  So.  I blame this on her. ;)  We went to the beach the other night and, unless you're in the water, there's someone pestering you.  Selling you stuff, standing a foot away and staring at you, talking to you... always somebody, or a whole crowd for that matter!  You don't wanna be still for too long...haha  So, I was sitting in a chair minding my own business when this little girl and 2 little boys come up to me.  The little girl is carrying a dirty, old, empty paint can.  She opens it up and hands me an egg wrapped in a little piece of newspaper.  I shook me head, "Na."  She insists I take it.  Her and the boys started making motions for me to eat it.  I'm thinking an egg, on a dirty sandy beach, from a dirty child's hands, pulled out of a dirty paint can that has been sitting in the sun for who knows how long.... No. not gonna happen...  "Na, I don't want it.  Na, I'm not hungry.  Na. Na. Na......"  But they would not listen!  Then I started thinking maybe she was trying to give me the egg as she hadn't mentioned a price.  So.. I figured I had better eat the egg..  Finally the boy cracks it open, and hands it to me so I can peel it. So I peeled it.  Then he took the egg from me and pulled out a piece of what appeared to be an old string or fishing line and cut the egg in half.  I immediately noticed the  ring of gray around the yolk... :-/  Then he pulled out a can of seasoning salt they had in the dirty paint can, salted the egg, put it on another piece of newspaper (no telling where that came from) and handed it to me.  Aaaand, there was no getting out of it.  They sat back so they could watch me eat it.  And I did.  And it actually wasn't that bad.  Oh, and then to top it off, a few minutes later she springs the whole "20 taka" on me.  So I basically paid to be forced to an old boiled egg that I didn't want.. haha  My mom couldn't believe I ate it...  pretty sure she's still laughing at me... :)

So today has been one of those days where I wish I had just stayed in bed.  I don't know why- but it really, really irritates me when you have a plan, you know what you're gonna do for the day, everything is going well aaaaand... someone comes in and ruins it and you have to drop what you're doing and, I dunno... it feels like your whole day is messed up...  haha... I have to laugh because, it sounds so pathetic but- really. it makes me crazy frustrated.
The other thing I am realizing is, it really irritates me to be told what to do when it's obvious or when I feel like I am probably old enough to decide if I should study or play a game this evening.... or things like that.
And another thing- to some degree- I like to be independent.  I like to be able to walk to the store or go somewhere when I want/need to.  I like to be able to go running.  Here- I'm so dependent.  I can't speak the language, so I can't do a whole lot of shopping by myself.  We don't have our own vehicles, so you're dependent on finding a driver.  It's too dangerous to go out alone, so I can't go running by myself.  I don't know... it's just a small thing.. but it's not.
And another thing... men in the kitchen in your way when you're trying to work! haha...
It's like everything that really annoys me keeps happening over and over and over!  I'm going crazy!
Those, and a few other things, okay, a lot of other little things... are my big annoyances for the week.  It's not the heat.  It's not the food.  It's not anything here... it's the same problems I have in the states.  And, ultimately, it's my super bad attitude and my pride getting in my way. *deep breath*....
Trying/wishing/wanting to be a really joyful, unselfish, patient and loving person.  I'm finding there's not a whole lot of love or patience there. :-/

We've been in Bangladesh one week today.  It's feels like a lifetime!
We finally made it to Cox's Bazzar last night.  Finally.  It has been a very long couple of months.
I thought it would be really nice getting here... finally finding a place to rest. finally unpacking all those bags..  But there's still SO much to be done.  And shopping here?  Good grief.  It's ridiculous.  There's a bunch of tiny shops each specializing in a few things.  So it takes forever!  Not to mention you have to walk or get a ride there.  It's definitely gonna take some getting used to.  We were at a shop yesterday and we had a whole crowd gathering around us.  It's amusing at first, but when you're trying to get something done, it's pretty annoying.  People asking for money, people asking where you are from, people just staring, people asking what you're buying... it's just crazy!
Outside of the cities, Bangladesh is so beautiful.  Driving through the farmland is really nice.  I've never seen any place so lush and green, with amazing trees and flowers and vegetables growing... Green is my favorite color. :)  In the cities, it's dirty and dusty and crowded.
Our apartment is very nice.  After seeing Austin's prison... it seems like paradise!!  It's open and airy and clean...  It's on the fourth floor, which was a lot of work hauling everything up.
I woke up early this morning. Everyone else was asleep and so I decided to spend some quiet time... Quiet time has been sadly neglected the last couple months.  I am anxious to get back into some routine again.  After that I got up and made breakfast, things were going well.  I started trying to organize/clean the kitchen.  And... one thing led to another... and after a few extremely annoying things happened my attitude was a disaster. My mom called me into her room and literally said, "Caley, don't kill him..!  It's like we've finally arrived... and suddenly I really, really miss home.  I miss clean.  Everything is so dirty.  Our clothes, the food, the streets... everything.  I want so much to sit down and eat a meal that feels clean and that is anything  but chicken, curry, rice and dhal.  That is ALL they eat! Even the showers feel dirty.  The water feels dirty.  I can't brush my teeth in it, or wash my face...  It's bad.  Picture the dirtiest restaurant  or the dirtiest street you've ever seen in America and it's nothing by comparison.  It's pretty bad.
There are a few things I really want right now.  A washing machine (which they are currently out buying!!), clean clothes, clean towels and fresh food.  I could just squeal about the washing machine...haha... we've had to wear the same clothes for days...!
And there are a few things I'm really thankful for... clean sheets someone sent with us, bleach and soap, fans in every room in our apartment, the ocean right beside me, a cool breeze and the fact that I get to cook my own food tonight in a clean place.
This is all so jumbled up.  There is so much I could say, and so much I could never describe with words! This is definitely an amazing and challenging experience.