We just got home this afternoon from a Christian Youth Camp we were invited to.  Our friend invited us and we felt like we should go- he was so excited about it and all...  but I was really regretting that I said I would go when I realized it was meetings ALL day and they were ALL in Bangla. :-/  

We had a very long / exhausting / hot trip out there. It's in a village and it's actually really beautiful out there. It's really nice getting out of the city every now and then.

It was pretty uncomfortable in about every way. New place, new people-that's always awkward. But add in language barriers, cultural differences and age differences and it's REALLY awkward.   

It definitely wasn't fun- but we were trying to just.. out ourselves out there I guess?

I was actually really discouraged by a comment made about us. Apparently a guy made a comment about how we brought water.  We weren't sure what the water would be like and we've only every drank bottled water since being here except when we've been in people's houses and they offer us water (which usually tastes/smells like pond water).  Anyways- we brought water with us because we didn't want to get sick and the guy thought that maybe we weren't actually missionaries because we should have enough faith to drink the water.  I was SO frustrated!  It probably wasn't that big a deal- but it was the sort of the thing that just finally breaks you.  I guess there was some expectation that the Bengali Christians would really appreciate the sacrifice we made to come here... and instead they judge as being unfaithful because we drank bottled water?  I was SO disappointed.  Considering that we sold everything we had, got on a plane with no return ticket, left our home, our jobs, our family, our friends, left everything that was comfortable and familiar to us and came here.  Considering we gave up things and hobbies and interests and comforts to come here... considering the expense it cost to come, not just on our part but for everyone that has supported us.  Considering the constant pressure of being watched, of trying not to offend, of trying to dress like them, talk like them, eat like them...  of feeling like a freak show everywhere you go, feeling uncomfortable, out of place and alone. Never being able to walk out your door without being asked for something or called a name or surrounded or yelled at or having your picture taken...  Of enduring heat and sickness and language barriers and bugs and the dirtiness...  I just cried.  I think I scared some of the Bengali girls pretty good!  haha...  But really, now that I write it it sounds kind of lame, I never could have understood how difficult it can be from the States - but seriously, sometimes it is beyond overwhelming.  It all adds up- and it's a lot of pressure.  And they just cannot understand- I know that.  They think we are vastly wealthy, they don't know where we came from, they don't know what we left.  Most of them have never been outside their own country- they don't know what that's like.  But, to already be feeling all of that and have people say you have no faith because you drank bottled water?  And, I might add- we did drink their water too.  I guess I expected something from the Christians- some appreciation or understanding...  But, what I realized is the important thing is being faithful to what God has called us to- regardless of people's responses, comments, reactions, judgments or misunderstandings. After I had thought through and realized that the only important thing is being faithful to what God calls us to do, even if His people don't understand it...  I realized that not everyone feels that way.. of course.  In fact, later a girl asked me what my favorite season here was.  I told her I liked winter best because we were from a really cold place and it was difficult for us being so hot.  And Suranjit said, "I know it has been very difficult for you all.. coming in here.  You have had many problems..  but I really appreciate that you all came."  So- in the end- I felt better about it all. ;)  

We ended up having a much better time than expected.  Although it was REALLY boring sitting through hours and hours of classes you can't really understand... :-/  

Where He Leads

"I will take Your hand and follow

Trusting, though I cannot see,

Heart is aching, feet are throbbing,

Father, show me where you lead."

"While I'm waiting You are working,

For my pathway You have seen,

Content I'll be to follow,

There is safety where You lead. "

"Rest content all those who follow,

Have quiet hearts and be at peace,

Take each day as He has given,

Only follow where He leads. "

It's starting to get really hot here.  Again.  Oh boy. :-/  It's starting to get to where we always HAVE to have the fans on, we are waking up at night cause it's so hot and turning on the oven is unbearable.  I do not like the hot season.
I ventured out to the vegetable market this afternoon. It was nice.  I have just kind of decided I've had enough of never being able to leave by myself.  Maybe I should rephrase that.  I need to be alone sometimes.  So now I just put on my headphones so I can't hear all the people yelling at me and just walk. ;)

The entire market was absolutely swarming in flies.  It sill hasn't rained in months and there is trash everywhere-also with a thousand flies.  The open sewage dishes have piles of filth heaped next to them..  I had an odd moment of feeling like, "Okay- I live here?  And this is supposed to be normal?"  today as I walked by... haha...
The fam all went to a cricket game today. I opted not to go-not a fan of watching sports in general but especially cricket. ;) I think it was a good of option. I crave moments of quiet.  Moments of drama free-ness.  We live so close together and we are literally together ALL the time, so I guess that's to be expected... but, even so, it is exhausting.
I keep thinking more and more that my time here is coming to an end.  I don't know, it's sort of odd. It's not really because I have anything necessarily planned next- but sometimes I just feel these..nudges.. like maybe I don't have much time here left.  As always, there's pros and cons...  but, more than anything- I want to finish well- however much time I have left.  And I do not want to leave without absolute confidence it's the right thing.  I don't like to be a quitter-  I like to finish whatever I start.  So,  I guess I just want to finish well.  And, who knows how everything will work out?  I find things you usually end up a lot different than how I expect them to go.  So, I guess I'll see with certainty at the right time... I'm trusting God for that.

"Don't let your life be a hut or a shack built on a great foundation. Seek to live a life that is worthy of the great foundation laid for us."

Cooking in Bangladesh is pretty much just one annoying challenge.
1.)  Didn't eat until this afternoon cause there was literally nothing worth eating.
2.)  Opened a box up that was crawling with thousands of ants, sprayed everything with bug spray and then
       felt like I had ants crawling all over my arms for 2 hours.
3.)  Isaac made a snack which consisted of raw sliced onions dipped in mustard this afternoon.  When I said
      it was a sad snack he said, "Caley!  I'm smart at knowing what foods taste good!"  Poor kid... :)
4.)  Opened up a can of baking cocoa to see it was crawling with beetles and small larvae...  Nice.

The truth is, I actually do think about writing on here a lot and I feel like I should. But I basically always come to the conclusion that I have nothing interesting or important to write about ... Sadly, today is no exception! What can I say?
 Since John and Sara left we've just been getting back into our normal everyday life.  Which isn't all bad-  I actually like feeling like I am getting something done,  but it definitely is boring by comparison.  Cooking and cleaning and Bangla classes and homework and sleep and teaching school and so on...  c'est la vie... Honestly, I'm just kinda bored with it all in general.  It feels like it's constantly the same things...  While I do feel confident this is where God has me right now, I struggle being content and I really crave work that I enjoy and feeling, I don't know.. productive...
I was asked that very revealing /embarrassing question the other day, "So, what's your ambition?"... haha... oh dear. :-/  I am such a loser!
On a happier note, yesterday we met some really nice, enjoyable people.  Which, let me tell you, is rare!  It's really nice to have people who speak English and don't treat you like you're some zoo animal cause you're a foreigner.  And they aren't trying to get money from you.  Really nice.  We got to spend some time with them at the beach yesterday.
Dad finally got his Indian visa figured out, but he has to travel to Chittagong on Sunday to finish it.  Then, the day after that he and mom are going to take Limon to a hospital in the northern part of the country.  That's going to be a long exhausting trip for them I'm sure.
Today Isaac said, while staring blankly at his reading book, "It's kind of a bummer that heaven's not gonna have an electronics...." haha... what a kid.

Time has gone by so quickly, and here it is- March 3rd already.

I am in Dhaka right now. We are spending our last days with John and Sara here. It's been wonderful having them- but again it's gone by so fast.

We are staying in the same hotel room that we stayed in our first day in Bangladesh. It's so weird. That doesn't seem so long ago, and here it has already been 7 months...crazy.

 It's weird being back in Dhaka again and remembering how ridiculously unfamiliar everything was, and how everything is just normal now.

I have been learning lately- or maybe just realizing- how wasteful it is to spend all mt time feeling sorry for myself. I can be so wrapped up in my own problems, my own hurts- and so blind to how small they are compared to others. How is it that you can still cry for yourself when you know a woman who is beaten or abused? Or a guy who dies from a drug overdose? Or you meet a little girl whose feet are horribly crippled and deformed from a car accident? I don't know how it is- but I still manage to feel sorry for myself. And I don't want to be that way.

John has said it to me multiple times, "Dont miss out on the goods things today by constantly trying to get to the next thing." 

Working on that. ;)