It has been a strange time of life for me lately.
Since finishing the training program some ridiculously short  4 and half months or so ago... It's been really nice just getting back to being "normal".  Doing normal everyday things... At the same time, I almost feel guilty, like I am not "doing" anything really important. And probably I feel more guilty because I do not want to be doing the things we had to do in training.  Honestly- I'm perfectly happy and relieved that I don't have to go do street meetings or go door-to-door now.  Oh. It is such a relief! haha...
But what I am realizing now is... even during the training program, when I was "doing" so much, I still lacked in passion, in purpose, in vision...  I did those things because I had to. Not because I wanted to.  And it was definitely worthwhile for me to be challenged and taken out of my comfort zone.  But at the same time, I have realized that... I'm just not passionate about evangelism.  At least not in that context. ;-/
I've been coaching with my brother these last few weeks.  Its been amazing.  Really amazing.  I've kind of been existing lately- but not living life with purpose.  Not really going anywhere.  Things I used to be excited about, I'm just not excited about anymore...  And so I find myself asking.. what am I supposed to be doing?  Where do I fit in in all of this?
I don't want to just exsist.  I want to have ambitions and goals I'm working towards and excited about.  I'm just trying to figure out what those should be.
Dustyn pointed out to me last week that God gives us different giftings, different things we enjoy, and He takes them and uses them for His purposes.  That seems super obvious, but I think I have been trying to put myself into this mold of what I consider to be important, what I consider to be "spiritual", rather than using the things I am already pursuing, already passionate about and finding ways of using them for a bigger purpose.
I dunno... like I said, that seems super obvious and simple.  But it was really impacting for me.  Really exciting actually.
So anyways... right now I'm just kind of sifting through things, thinking it through and I'm excited about gaining some new perspectives/insights.  I'm excited to be finding out what things I should be pursuing right now and putting my time and effort towards those things.

Feeling strangely disconnected.
I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but it's different. And I don't really like it...
Sometimes the people who have always known you best are like a mirror. When you compare what they expect you to be with what you are, you see just how much you've have changed/are changing.
I know change is just a normal part of life. I guess I've just always thought it would be more of outward circumstances changing...not myself!
It's scary letting go of what has been, who I have been. Its scary to realize I am not the same, to realize things are different and accept that.
It would feel so much safer if everything stayed the same- but then there would be no growth...

It's 8 o'clock on a Friday night - and all I can think about is putting on some warm pajamas and going to bed.  It's pretty bad, I mean, I'm only 22. hehe... oh well. :P
It's probably a good thing actually. I'm still not sure that I've recovered from last weekend.  And this one's looking like it's going to be pretty full too.  I did have a really nice time with John though.... :)  Well worth the sleep deprivation.
So. tomorrow... I'm going to get up. run 7 miles or so.  get ready to go to town.  Have a coaching session from 11-12. Drive to town.  Pick up the 4 Harris kids.  Spend a few hours with them. Go to the park, get ice cream and all that good stuff. Drop them off.  Meet Janelle and John.  Possibly (if the weather actually turns out nice enough), take their engagement pictures.  And then.. who knows what after that!  Its going to be a long day.  But (hopefully) a good one. :)

"If we are not 'setting our affection on things above', we are automatically setting our affection on things of the earth. There is no neutral - we are either moving forward, or we are going backwards. If you think you're in neutral- you're in reverse."
-D. York

Bangladesh
"Bangladesh has been one of the poorest countries of the world since its inception in 1971. The country is overcrowded, poverty-stricken and disease-ridden. These people daily deal with rampant unemployment and corruption and they often live in conditions that are unthinkable.

The government of Bangladesh does not allow adoption in this country, so the only way to help support the underprivileged children is through orphanages and boarding schools.

When their families can't afford to provide for them or their parents die of malnutrition or disease, thousands of children take to the streets. In fact, one in every 15 children born in Bangladesh end up on the streets to fend for themselves."

"Be serious in your commitment to God and gladly leave everything else alone. Literally put God first in your life." - O. Chambers

I woke up late today. Oops. :-/  Set my day off pretty weird... but hey, I was enjoying the dream I was having! :)  I usually try to get up before Samuel so I actually have some time to wake up before the work begins.  I am definitely not a morning person.
It was another beautiful sunny day here.  It climbed up into the high 60's, and as Samuel and I were coming back from the park I was complaining about it being "too hot".  That's when I realized I'm probably going to die in Bangladesh. haha...  What can I say?  I'm just a girl from the mountains!  I am not a hot weather person. (Although I do like to try and imagine that I am a "hot person".  Usual doesn't work. haha... but I do try. ;) )
Had a nice dinner with the brother.  Though, his mind does seem to be somewhat occupied these days, and reasonably so... :)  Let me just say - at the risk of sounding like a man - that steak was amazing!
We spent a good deal of time looking for his keys.  Backtracking all over town... in the restaurant, where we parked....along the side walks...  Until finally, being the ingenious person that I am, I decided to go around to the passenger side door and look in the ignition.  I know right?!  Genius. haha...
And so ends another day here.. I suppose I'd better get some sleep because I don't want to wake up late again tomorrow. :P