Its such a strange time in life for me right now.
There's enough strength for the day.  And I can manage through the things that need to be done.  But it's almost a thoughtless 'just-do-what-needs-to-be-done' mode.  And I find when I stop and think about all the crazy changes about ready to happen in my life.  I'm terrified.  I don't know what of exactly- maybe its just that I am looking into my future and everything seems so unclear and uncertain.  I am afraid of what I do not know.
And- truthfully- I'm just tired.  Uh- really tired. (haha) ;)  But really- I just feel so weary.  No place feels like home.  I feel like my life has been up in the air for years.  I haven't been settled in any one place for years.  I so want to just... rest.  Some days I feel like I just don't have it in me anymore to live this way.
This thing about moving to Bangladesh is so much bigger than I can handle.  Usually I take things as they come, and just deal with them as they are.  But I can't do that with this.  It's too big.  Too daunting.  Too much for me.  Gone is that confident strong person I used to be!! (haha)
There is not much rest right now.  And what I really want is home.  Even what used to be home doesn't feel like it.  At this age-  I feel like I'm neither really in or really out.  Everything feels so unsettled to me, and I just long for rest.
Not to sound depressed.  I am actually happy!  It's good being with my family.  I have confidence the Lord is putting me in Bangladesh for awhile.
For some reason I think it won't be very long- but I never really know.
I just know that I feel like I can't go on like this for much longer... and I just want to find home.