I hate hearing people say bad things about you. I hate wishing I could defend you. I hate being asked how you're doing, and not knowing what to say. I hate this feeling of fear I get whenever I talk to you, always wondering what you're doing. I hate not being able to trust that you are walking with The Lord and being directed by Him. I hate crying for you. I hate worrying for you. 

I miss the days when I would walk into your room and you were praying- even if you did fall asleep a lot. I miss hearing you share about what God was doing in your life. I miss the days when I would come to you with my problems and you would direct me to Him. I miss the days when you were excited about ministry. I miss the songs you used to write. 

I tell you it hurts me. I tell you I worry. I tell you it scares me. But is doesn't seem like it really matters... I pray for you. I cry for you. I adore you. I look for every good thing about you and try and overlook the rest. I just really miss the days when you were such a source of strength to me, and I didn't feel afraid...

 I don't think you can really know just how much  it means to us girls, or at least to me, for you to have a solid walk with God. We really need it.  We really need you to put away childish things and  become men. We really need you to keep us safe. I'm tired of feeling afraid...