So- on Sunday I ran like 15 miles or so.  I was supposed to run 17, but...I don't know.  It's so confusing figuring out the mileage.  Really annoying.  It felt like I ran 20- but I guess I'll never know. ;)  Which, by the way, is why I really want one of those GPS running watches.  That would definitely improve my life. :)  A friend told me about a really cool running/biking trail.  And I really liked it.  But, after being out in the very hot sun for hours, running, and rationing water... and my bones start hurting and I'm getting tired and I still have miles to go.  That's when I start thinking- "Okay.  So remind again why I love running.  Tell me again why this is fun?" (haha)  When things get really challenging- I'm hot, I'm tired, I'm sore- that's when I have to remind myself of why I started this and what the goal is.  It's funny how you can be out there doing- and totally forget the whole purpose of it.  It doesn't change the fact that I'm sore and tired, but remembering the purpose of it certainly helps! :)  The bottom line is- I love running.  That's why I'm out there.  That's why I'm committed to it, even when it's really difficult.  You should see my feet- they are definitely proof  proof that it is difficult.  Plenty of battle scars believe me! :)
I guess a lot of things in life are like that- things we are doing (or things we know we should be doing), but somewhere along the line we just forget why we are doing them.  We become purpose-less people who are just doing a lot of things, but we are totally missing the point.
This morning I was reading my Bible.  I have a little schedule that helps me keep up.  I guess I'm kind-of a list person.  I don't like not having things 'checked-off'. ;)  So here I am doing and I had to ask myself, "So, why are you doing this again?  What's the point of it?" 
I guess I know I should read my bible and so I do. But I've forgotten why.  I've forgotten to be doing with purpose.
Let me just say- I'm tired.  I want to finish- but I'm just tired.  And it's now that I've got to be reminded of why I started all of this in the beginning.  I'm going back through the last few years and asking, "Okay, what motivated you to pursue God in the first place? "  And trying to get sight of that vision again.  I hope the bottom line is that-  I love Jesus.  And that's why I started out. And that's what needs to keep me motivated to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Slowly Fading...

I think we live in pretty scary times. Honestly- they are confusing and difficult and...yeah. scary. It seems like there is an attack on my generation. If we really stepped back and looked at ourselves, where we are at- I think we would be shocked. The things we do that have become "the norm" today... I think a few years ago we would've been horrified by. The things we used to label "the things we would never do"...are now merely just the normal. And I am not speaking necessarily about others- I'm speaking of myself. I am no longer surprised about our/my compromised position. It's just what's expected.
I think, for myself anyways- there was a time where I was so concerned about outward holiness/righteousness, I was so concerned about upholding "the standard", that I have over-corrected myself in reacting to that. But at least there was safety in all those rules. Or at least, it felt safe. ;)
I was listening to Casting Crowns Slow Fade this morning. It's so true. One "little" thing at a time- look at where we are at. And it scares me, not only for myself- but because, whether I like it or not- my actions have a huge impact on others. One line of the song says," be careful little feet where you go because it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow." That is a scary thought.
We are so "in-between". We are neither fully in the world or fully out of it. And no wonder we are so miserable! We are a compromised people.
Another song I heard said this, "in your presence God, I'm completely satisfied."
That was pretty convicting to me. Because it seems like I'm always saying I will be satisfied when this or that thing happens. If I have God- and nothing else. Will I be satisfied?
Don't get me wrong- I am not advocating we start coming up with a bunch of rules to regulate ourselves. No. There is no satisfaction in that. But my question is, is Jesus enough? Or is He not? I think most of us are too afraid to let all these things go so that we can find out. I know I am.
I do not want to pursue holiness or righteousness as the goal. I want to pursue Jesus and as I am learning Him- I want to see Himself worked out in me. As He becomes more and more- all those other things will become less and less.