Monday, July 29, 2013

I haven't even been here a week and it already feels like a lifetime.
I love being outside, I love the people, I love riding in a rickshaw and seeing the most incredible things. I love sitting in a Bengali believers home and feeling a connection with them despite all the cultural differences. I am very anxious to get to our house, very anxious to learn the language. 
But I cannot deny that there are already moments of real loneliness. My thoughts are often state-side... thinking of what time it is there, wondering what the people I love are doing... It's a strange feeling to be in this world, and being happy to be here, but always wishing you could share it...

He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him. (Psalms 126:6 KJV)


Friday, July 26, 2013

Okay. Today I figured out that it is better to eat Bengali food that tastes like it should than to eat American food that it tastes like it shouldn't. The taco at "Taco Bell" was pretty bad. The "American" burger was close, but about halfway through it started tasting weird so I gave it to Jackson..haha...
We went shopping at the biggest mall I've ever seen. It was so crowded! Everyone staring and smiling. Let me tell ya- some of the guys stare at you with the most awed adoring looks. Lol... It's like their wildest fantasy just walked into their world! It's crazy! And super awkward actually... It's totally not special because its everybody.  One guy saw Hannah and said "Oh Wow!!!" Pretty funny. Parents make their children wave at you. Women smile and wave... Oh. Today I saw a white guy! He looked a little surprised to see us- Jackson and I sarted waving like we were great friends...haha... It's funny the sudden connection you feel with white people when you're the only ones youve seen in awhile!
We were crowded into an elevator today. I had my hand on the rail. A little boy slowly reached over, started rubbing my fingernails and then just put his hand in mine. It was so cute..
A little beggar girl grabbed isaacs face and kissed him. She kissed Jackson's arm and blew him kisses... She kept asking for money but I didn't have any. She kept following us around so I finally asked her her name. She told me, but I have no idea what she said! She asked my name and so I told her. Then I grabbed her filthy little hand and walked with her a little ways. She pulled me out of the way of a van coming down the road. I wish so much I could speak the language and talk to those children. I cannot understand why they are living like this. I saw a girl not more than 2 years old out with her sister begging on a dangerous road.  I think of my nieces all clean and beautiful and loved and precious... These kids- they don't even seem to know that their lives are messed up. It's the norm. I think of their mothers. These are somebody's children. I wonder if they have mothers who just don't care, or ones who just can't provide for them, or no mother at all.  It's heartbreaking to see. What must that be like? Not being able to take care of your children? I want to ask them why their lives are like this. I want to hear their story. Right now all I can do is briefly hold a girl's hand and tell her my name. 
Tomorrow we leave for Chittagong. No more wifi. Which is really, really lame.  We will have Internet on a computer so not all is lost. ;)

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Wow.  There is a lot I could say...and I probably will. ;)  Let me just say.  Now that I am here and I know what it's like to travel to the other side of the world...  I would never have waned to miss this.  There are definitely people I miss as I walk around this crazy place... people I wish I could share all of this with, and that's sad.  But, I am really glad to be here and to be experiencing this.
The flight went surprisingly well. Not too bad.  The Chinese food was weird... but, other than that?  It went very smoothly.
The airport in China was pretty lame and disappointing actually. We spent 3 hours there, making failed attempts at connecting to the stupid wifi!  urgh.  So annoying!
Flying into Dhaka was crazy!  I've definitely never ever seen anything like it.  We got off of the plane, and, while there were a few curious stares and questions, it wasn't at all the culture shock I had expected.  We got all our luggage and everything on a bus and to our hotel without too much trouble.  Just going for a brief ride was craaaazy.
We had our first meal here in Bangladesh.  It was pretty tasty!  And, so far, no one has died. ;)
After lunch we went out to walk around the city.  Crossing the street is definitely an experience!
There are definitely a few things I dislike already.  I don't like being treated like your something special because you're american.  The Bengalis won't let us carry our bags, dip our rice or unload our grocery cart!  It's actually not a nice feeling to be treated like that simply because they think you're rich...  Very uncomfortable.
The other thing is the beggars.  I had a kid begging me for money as we drove down the road!  It was so dangerous! But he was relentless.  It's a horrible feeling to see a child beg for money, or a woman missing an arm while you walk by ignoring them and eating your ice cream.  I saw the most filthy child I have ever seen today.  He kept pestering Dad for money and when he finally gave up he turned to me. "Taka?"  he said. I relplied, "Na.  Na. No Taka.."  He, for once, seemed to believe me, shrugged his shoulders pointed to my camera and said, "Chobi?".  So I took his picture.  Its a terrible feeling to walk by, and feel powerless to truly make a difference.
People seem pretty impressed with us here.  "You American??"  they ask.  They stare with curiosity.  One girl's stare I can only describe as... awed... haha!  The boys will flash you their most charming smiles.  At one point I heard a voice calling through the trees, "Hello!  Hello!"  I finally realized the voice was talking to me, I looked over to see a guy with a huge grin on his face... haha... It's bizarre!
I made my first purchase today too... a Salwar Kameez that doesn't really fit and has see through pants.  Fail.  Oh-and I also had my chest measured by a man today.  That was .... different... faw shaw! haha
It's been a crazy day.  I am so tired... I want to curl up and go to sleep....:-/

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Sitting here this morning drinking my coffee.  I am all packed- ready to go. I think it's like the calm before the storm. ;)
And so the day has finally arrived! I wish I could be super excited and ready to hop on that plane. But I'm not really. So I am taking one step at a time. Baby steps to the door.. baby steps to the airplane... baby steps..haha ;)
This is definitely the strangest feeling I have ever felt! 
As hard as it has been to say goodbye, I realized last night that it would've been even harder to stay here and say goodbye to my family. I think I would've wished I was going with them if I had decided to stay. So, I am glad to be going. 
Just trying to be optimistic here... haha 
Hannah and I have been reminiscing as we walk through the airport here in Oklahoma City. Thinking about sitting there drinking that over-priced, but much needed coffee...
I think it's strange. And that was only just a little more than a year ago.
I had absolutely no thought then that I would be here all this time later, getting on an airplane to Bangladesh. So much has happened in this time. I felt very carefree then...
Watching my brothers look at the big planes, totally fascinated by everything they're seeing... I am really happy to be sharing this with them. I wouldn't want to miss it. 
Amazingly enough- this doesn't really seem that abnormal. I can't even really describe how it feels. It's weird... but it's not. haha...
Next stop is L.A....
My life is truly bizarre! 
Sitting here this morning drinking my coffee.  I am all packed- ready to go. I think it's like the calm before the storm. ;)
And so the day has finally arrived! I wish I could be super excited and ready to hop on that plane. But I'm not really. So I am taking one step at a time. Baby steps to the door.. baby steps to the airplane... baby steps..haha ;)
This is definitely the strangest feeling I have ever felt! 
As hard as it has been to say goodbye, I realized last night that it would've been even harder to stay here and say goodbye to my family. I think I would've wished I was going with them if I had decided to stay. So, I am glad to be going. 
Just trying to be optimistic here... haha 

Monday, July 22, 2013

"You only love God as much as the saint you dislike the most." .... :-/

We had another conference meeting tonight. They have been really good. Tonight he shared on all ministry coming from a love for Christ. Somehow, in the daily chaos, I totally forget my purpose. I forget why I'm doing what I'm doing. I forget what my job is. I was reminded tonight of why I'm going to Bangladesh. I've already forgotten my purpose before I've even begun!
I have to admit, I don't feel incredibly strong or anything. I feel like the past year and a half have been characterized by weakness. I'm tired of feeling so overcome. Sometimes it seems so impossible to be at all what I ought to be.  I've begun to accept the areas where I fail as normal. I am sometimes too afraid to try because I'm afraid to fail.
Anyways, tonight we had a sweet time with the people here. This is going to sound strange- but Im really shocked how much they love my family. It was a very tearful goodbye. I was thinking about how welcome and at home I feel with these people. And then I began thinking that maybe I've got it all wrong. Looking at it all wrong. I complain about not having a place to call home instead of realizing that I have many many homes...
Tomorrow I am getting on a plane and moving to the other side of the world. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid. It sort of feels like impeding doom. ;)
It is all so bittersweet. And surreal.
I am encouraged to live for Jesus. To love Him in such a way that it overflows into a life of love and service to others.
I am definitely not anywhere near that, but I can at least see the goal. I don't want to lose sight of that.

Sunday, July 21, 2013

I hate hearing people say bad things about you. I hate wishing I could defend you. I hate being asked how you're doing, and not knowing what to say. I hate this feeling of fear I get whenever I talk to you, always wondering what you're doing. I hate not being able to trust that you are walking with The Lord and being directed by Him. I hate crying for you. I hate worrying for you. 
I miss the days when I would walk into your room and you were praying- even if you did fall asleep a lot. I miss hearing you share about what God was doing in your life. I miss the days when I would come to you with my problems and you would direct me to Him. I miss the days when you were excited about ministry. I miss the songs you used to write. 
I tell you it hurts me. I tell you I worry. I tell you it scares me. But is doesn't seem like it really matters... I pray for you. I cry for you. I adore you. I look for every good thing about you and try and overlook the rest. I just really miss the days when you were such a source of strength to me, and I didn't feel afraid...
 I don't think you can really know just how much  it means to us girls, or at least to me, for you to have a solid walk with God. We really need it.  We really need you to put away childish things and  become men. We really need you to keep us safe. I'm tired of feeling afraid...

Notes from church today---

-Humility is the true mark of a man/woman who truly knows Him. You cannot truly see  Christ and not immediately be humbled.  

-There is nobody too low that Jesus will not minister to. 

-As we behold Jesus, and his humility, and his servitude towards disgusting man, sin will automatically begin to disappear from our lives.
 
-If you get a fresh look at Calvary everyday, it will have a debilitating effect on the mother of all sin- and that is your pride. 

-You can measure your love for God by the amount of sacrificial love you are showing to others.

-The root problem of our sin, is pride. 

Friday, July 19, 2013

The truth is I have never believed that I deserve to be loved. I have never believed I was worthy enough....
Like everyone else does, I hoped that someone would. Although most days that seemed pretty much impossible. I think I just tried to convince myself that wouldn't happen and accept it. Like that would somehow make it hurt less... Some people were worthy of that- but definitely not me.
But I could never stop hoping for that...
Now sometimes I think that may be it is possible. But then I'm terrified. It's easier to accept something as it is rather than believe and end up wrong...
It makes me realize how very vulnerable and fragile I am...
I look around and think, "Why would anyone want me?"
It is wonderfully terrifying to believe that someone would.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Well, the events of today included-
Having a nightmare that I had a huge spider on me. I had seen a spider just like it yesterday do i guess that made the dream seem more realistic. So naturally I jumped awake, elbowed Hannah really hard and- not really sure why- but in my state of panic I had to get out of the bed on her side for some reason? So basically the poor girl got absolutely pummeled. When I finally made it out of bed she let out a pathetic, "ouch...", and I realized I was only dreaming.
Then we took the boys swimming. Poor Isaac.. It was rather amusing watching him slide backwards down that rock! 
Then the van started doing this weird thing where it kept not shifting and then it would just die. So we would have to pull over and start it back up and all this nonsense. It basically took us forever to get home.
I decided to go for a run tonight. It was great- aside from the fact that its so humid I feel like I need gills! I was very glad I didn't see any tarantulas. Oklahoma is seriously like a freaking jungle!! The bugs and creatures down here are horrible! So, I was almost back when I literally almost stepped on a snake. I didn't recognize it but, Tyler said it was a copperhead which are apparently very poisonous. Yikes. :-/
This state is definitely not my friend!

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome. (Jeremiah 29:11 AMP)
Well I have to say I've been a pretty miserable person today. I knew my attitude was bad, and that it was wrong- but I chose to feel sorry for myself all day. And I carried around a lot of jealousy, envy, discontentment and bitterness in my heart all day. I knew it was wrong, but I just decided I would deal with it later. ;)
So now that I've had my little pity party (haha), I suppose it's time for it to stop.  Because really- what my attitude is clearly stating is that I don't trust God, I don't believe His plans for me are good, I am saying I don't believe He has the best for me. Something good and wonderful.
I've been complaining in my head all day, "God why is it so hard for me? You make it so easy for some people! Everything in their life is perfect! They know nothing of the hurt, the ache, the confusion, the struggle I've been through! Why do they get all the good stuff?! What about me?"
I am struggling to believe. I know in my head that my seemingly great trials are comparatively nothing. It's hardest to trust Gods plan, when everything looks messed up. When it seems impossible to make something beautiful out of all the mess and confusion. When it seems like you can't really see Him doing much at all...
It is hard. It does hurt. Sometimes I have the greatest urge to just go for a long run and cry. Because its scary- and I don't understand.
That's the truth about me. 
But my thinking is not true.
I am reminding myself tonight that I can trust Him-that everything will be good-that He is working-that He knows best-that He loves me.
It is easy to believe that when things are going your way. It's much more difficult when they are not.
I guess I basically have a choice to make- do I believe what God has said or don't I...?

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

We got into Oklahoma today. I don't exactly know what to say about being here again, how to describe it. It's strange.. and I've honestly felt really sad.
It's really strange staying with Kaylie and Tyler..staying in their home. To tell you the truth- I can't help but feel a little jealous. Ok. A lot jealous. It doesn't make sense to me... Why is it so easy and perfect and clear for some people?!  I feel..lonely. And discontent. And kinda frustrated. I know the truth. I know God is in control of all of this. But sometimes it just hurts, stings a little more than usually, aches a little more...
And not to mention some days you feel particularly worthless. Some days you just especially hate what you see in the mirror. Sometimes you just feel totally unloveable.
Sometimes the road ahead just looks excruciatingly long...

Monday, July 15, 2013

Well, today is our last day in Kansas.  We have spent all morning packing, and re-packing, seeing what we have, getting rid of what we don't need, making lists to buy what we still need, laundry, cleaning... all that good stuff.  I find I'm getting excited about going just because I'm really tired of packing all this stuff around!  It'll be nice to finally have my own bed and my clothes in a closet instead of a suitcase and to be cooking/eating our own food again.  Even if it is on the other side of the world. ;)
Yesterday we were at a church that had a map of the world painted on the wall.  We all stood there and traced out our route to Bangladesh.  I stood back, looked at that map and thought, "Wow. The world is huge! Bangladesh is SO far away!"  But, in reality- its only a plane ride from here to there, and somehow, that makes it seem like it's not really so far away after all.  I realized that when Austin said he was going to fly back to the states in September.  And I realized it again when Chandra said she was planning on coming over for a few weeks.  It's just a plane ride away. :)
Yesterday Jackson turned 11.  He wanted an ice cream cake so  I made him that.  We went to the drive in theater and watched Despicable Me 2.  We were there like 2 hours early and had a lot of fun playing frisbee.  It was a really nice time.  Other than that we've just been hanging out with a family mostly.
Oklahoma is our last stop before leaving.  It's amazing that it still seems unbelievable that we are leaving in 8 days!  I'm not really scared at all anymore though.  I am pretty excited about all of the crazy things we are gonna see and do.  I think it's going to be an amazing experience.  I think it's going to be really fun and exciting at first... it's later on that I'm kind of worried about. :-/
Meeting my (2nd) cousin for the first time- aaaand probably  scaring her to death.  My child-skills aren't very conventional... but look how entertained they all look ! ;)

Friday, July 12, 2013

What I really miss- is running. I know it's just a small thing. And honestly- it really doesn't even make sense to enjoy it so much. But there's just something about it. There's such a sense of accomplishment in running farther or faster than you ever have. I'm not an exceptionally good runner, and I don't even really compete with anybody but myself... but all the same. I miss running. :(

Thursday, July 11, 2013

We are now at my Dads other sisters house here in Kansas. Kansas is always very slow, very boring, lots of family, scorching hot, humid- but both of my aunts are wonderful cooks. ;) Its always funny being around my Dads family, seeing where he grew up. My goodness. His childhood was insane! I have a few cousins who want me to do some pictures for their family, that will be something to do. We will be here until the 16th, then on to Oklahoma. (Excited!)  The last part of our trip in the States! That's really really crazy. Still seems totally impossible that I'm moving to a foreign country! I confess- I'm actually pretty excited about changing the place I'm living to Bangladesh on FB. Haha... Pathetic I know. ;)  I'm excited about all the photo-ops. 
Anyways. Thats about it here!
I have this friend- She is beautiful. lovely.graceful. She has such a soft heart.  She has always made me feel like a jerk as she cries ovee the hurts of others.(haha) In every particularly dark time, she has been a source of strength, encouragement and inspiration to me. I adore her. And today- my heart aches for her. I cry for her. I pray for her. I ask God why. I feel angry at the  hard things life has brought her. I do not understand.  I think it's unfair, and wish that she were happy. 
But today I am also reminded that HE cares so much more than I do.  I think I know what would make her happiest, but HE knows so much better than I. All the things I want for her- happiness and joy and love and peace- HE longs to give those to her and HE can/will. I am reminded that HE will take care of her. 
I have this quote written in my Bible, 
"... out of all this desolation, HE will bring forth the very beauty of The Lord.."
I believe it. 

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

It can be so overwhelming. All the "what-if's" and questions and fears that creep in.  All the things we wish we had answers to.
Tonight as I lay here thinking, and praying, and asking God for answers.. asking Him what His way is- asking Him to show me. Realizing once again how much I truly want to be in His will- realizing once again that, while I can see nothing, He sees everything. Realizing once again that He alone lights the way, and realizing how foolish it is for me to ever desire my own way... I am reminded  that I do not need to know. I just need to trust Him, and He will take care of everything. ("Casting all your care upon Him, for He carets for you")
I suddenly felt such peace- I wish I always felt so at peace and simply trusted Him!
I can trust Him. He is good.

"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee." (Isaiah 26:3 KJV)

"The Lord will fight for you, and you won't have to do a thing.” (Exodus 14:14 CEVUK00)


For the Lord your God is he that goeth with you, to fight for you against your enemies, to save you. (Deuteronomy 20:4 KJV)

"Whatever keeps me from my Bible is my enemy, no matter how harmless it may appear to be." -A.W.Tozer

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

A friend gave me a book recently and wrote in the cover, "I am giving you this book because there is a heart in Katie (the author) that seems to be in you."
So I began reading the book looking for the resemblance.. and haven't found it yet.  More than anything her faith, her love for Jesus and for people, and her strength in hardships has made me feel ashamed of my self centeredness. 
I am so quick to complain about my circumstances, so quick to feel sorry for myself. I hate to admit it- even to myself, but I think I have allowed myself to think I am giving up a lot.  But as I read about suffering so great that I cannot even understand it.. I realize how pathetic I am being. How selfish.
As the time to leave for Bangladesh approaches, I find myself thinking of things I will miss. Little things- but somehow they matter. Of course, it's the people that really make it painful. But things like running, or coffee, or wearing shorts and a tank top and sitting out in the sun, or independce, or driving- those  things are really hard for me to give up. Definitely not the hardest- but still. And I just realize how pathetic I am. How selfish.
I know my heart will ache in going. Ache for being so far away from people I love. It already does. But maybe it's time for me to be woken up from my self centered life...
I keep coming back to these promises: 

Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. (Psalms 37:4, 5 KJV)

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord : and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand. (Psalms 37:23, 24 KJV)


Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. (Proverbs 3:5, 6 KJV)

Monday, July 8, 2013

"My heart lives in so many places. With so many people. But God whispers to me that I really have only one home, and that is with Him. I will never be content on this earth. I will always be a nomad. It was meant to be that way. My heart was created with a desire for a home, a best, a sanctuary, and that can be found only with Him in heaven. And I will continue bouncing from one home to another, loving with everything I have in whatever location I currently reside, excitedly awaiting the day when I am called heavenward and He says to me, 'Welcome home'."
-Katie Davis (Kisses from Katie)

I found this to be both relateable and to be a much needed reminder...
Sometimes I just really hate life. I hate how things go.  So often I feel disappointed.frustrated.angry. It hurts so much- and I don't understand why.
We were promised our hearts would be safe and protected. We were promised the best. Why do we look so beat up, worn out and disenchanted? 
I'm terrified. And it seems pointless to hope, pointless to dream.
I wish I could just run away. Close my eyes and hide until its over. 
I wish I could just understand why it's so hard. 

Sunday, July 7, 2013

  To be blunt- this day has sucked.
And, to be honest- I have a really bad attitude and I know it aaaand... I don't really care. I actually do feel sorry for all the people who are trapped with me in this car all day! haha..
I woke up, still feeling exhausted, spent the morning cleaning and packing, rushing so we could get to church on time. Rushed through trying to get ready for church. And had to hear some pretty badly timed comments. Rushed out to the van- got in some ridiculous argument with Hannah, which actually seems pretty funny now. So we screamed at each other in the parking lot. Haha...Then Jackson made some annoying comment- so I promptly told him to shutup. Yeeeeaah... It was pretty bad. And on top of that, everyone else was just as stressed as I was. *deep breath*
Now that I think about it, I owe a couple people some apologies. ;)
Then came the very painful goodbye to Dustyn and Keri and the girls... It's funny. I've been okay- but it's like reality is finally hitting me. And this is really hard! All of its kind of hitting me at once- and it hurts.  I tried not to cry but- no such luck. :-/
It was hard saying goodbye. Kissing my beautiful nieces goodbye... Realizing once again how painfully sweet it is to love.
I feel tired of being so far away from the people I most want to be with.  And I haven't even experienced how painfully lonely and isolated it will be to be on the other side of the world! I'm scared.
I know, I know.. This is a whole lot of self pity. I know I should be grateful for the good things and all that... But, I'm just being honest- I'm not there today. Its been a rough day.
Maybe tomorrow will look brighter- though I doubt it. I mean we'll be driving a thousand miles to Kansas. Oh joy. :-/

Saturday, July 6, 2013

It's strange- I am just exhausted. And somehow I keep managing to forget that I'm en route to the other side of the world. I pretty much freak out when I do realize it! Seriously.  Tomorrow we leave for Kansas. I'm tired just thinking about it! Pack everything up again, load it again, another long drive... And then I think about the trip to Bangladesh. I don't know how I'm gonna make it!  I guess I am the sort of person who usually deals with things as they come, takes them as they are and rolls with the punches. But sometimes it just hits me how tired I am- and how long I've been living like this. Sometimes I just really crave the somplicity and comfort of home, wherever that is, but all I see ahead of me is a really long journey. 
Feeling tired. :-/
Oh my goodness. I just has the most horrifying experience. I am supposed to be watching the girls this morning. All the sudden I realized I hadn't seem Abby in a while. I looked around the apartment. No Abby. Looked again. No Abby. Asked Emily, asked Jackson, asked Isaac. Nobody knew where she was. So we all started to look around the apartment, everyone feeling a little panicked at this point. Then Emily thought maybe Hannah had her at the other apartment. I should mention that they live in a pretty shady part if town. I would be nervous about going anywhere by myself. So I ran to the other apartment, asked Hannah if she has her. And not very calmly either. Hannah says no- jumps up and starts searching that apartment. No Abby. Everyone else is outside calling for her, I'm running back and forth between the apartments searching, trying to figure out what to do, heart pounding, scared to death and horrified when Isaac walk out and says, "She's in her closet!" Oh my gosh. I have never felt so relieved! Come to find out, Isaac knew she was hiding there and Abby thought it was funny hiding from us. Yeah- pretty much, im gonna kill them! So glad she's safe. That scared me so bad!! :-/

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Today was pretty amazing.
We went to a big waterpark here and, oh my goodness. It was so much fun. I didn't know I could scream like that actually...haha ;) Ironically, my favorite one was called the black widow. :) I did that one over and over. Every time I squealed and screamed and threw my head back and laughed and kicked my legs.. In the wave pool I thought I was going to drown because I was laughing so hard!! I'm not sure why Emily asked me why I act like I'm 10... haha.. It was such fun. I love being out in the sunshine. 
I got to spend a good amount of time with Zoe in the kiddy pool. Oh my goodness! That girl! She is totly fearless and brave and independent and adventurous... It was so precious watching her laugh while she went down the slides or splashed in the water. It was a really sweet time.
Isaac and I got to go down a few slides together. I'll never get over how much I love it when he holds my hand or calls me 'Kay-yah'. :)
Isaac said my name today and a girl asked what he had said. I told her my name and she said her name was caley too. But she spells it Kaylee. Darn. I am forever stuck with a misspelled name! But (hopefully) not forever stuck with Burwell. haha :)
We also had a picnic in the park tonight and played duck duck goose and watched fireworks.
It's been a great day- and thoroughly exhausting.  Now all I want is just to fall asleep. :)

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

A Quote....

“[To have Faith in Christ] means, of course, trying to do all that He says.

There would be no sense in saying you trusted a person if you would not take his advice. Thus if you have really handed yourself over to Him, it must follow that you are trying to obey Him.

But trying in a new way, a less worried way. Not doing these things in order to be saved, but because He has begun to save you already.

Not hoping to get to Heaven as a reward for your actions, but inevitably wanting to act in a certain way because a first faint gleam of Heaven is already inside you.”

―Mere Christianity


Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

 My son, let not them depart from thine eyes: keep sound wisdom and discretion: So shall they be life unto thy soul, and grace to thy neck. Then shalt thou walk in thy way safely, and thy foot shall not stumble. When thou liest down, thou shalt not be afraid: yea, thou shalt lie down, and thy sleep shall be sweet.

For the Lord shall be thy confidence, and shall keep thy foot from being taken. (Proverbs 3:5, 6, 21-24, 26 KJV)

I have read/heard these verses many many times.. but I was particularly struck by them tonight. Especially 5 and 6.  Life seems so scary- so daunting and confusing. Often I am terrified I'm doing everything wrong, scared of future regrets over past failures. Scared of others being disappointed in me.  This promise gives me so much rest. It's really pretty simple. Seek Him, do as he asks and He is going to direct you, protect you and keep you.  I really like that. :)

I woke up this morning to dad screaming over and over, "Can you hear me?? Can you hear me now?!" Oh the joy that Skype is. ;)
Okay. My nieces? Wow. I don't think I am being biased when I say that they are incredibly adorable! Zoe doesn't like to get her feet dirty, so yesterday I turn around and she's crawling through the dirt on her hands and knees...it was so cute!  Or abi saying, "It's stinking hot out here!!"
And, oh my gosh, it is really hot! Today we are going to a water park. It's gonna be a lot of fun.
It's great being with Dustyn and Keri. They are one of the most amazing couples I know.  Hannah and I are always going of about what an incredibly marriage they have.

Monday, July 1, 2013

I really did not want to go to Bangladesh.  When my family would even mention it, I just felt panic and fear. I can't even really describe it- I usually just go with the flow, just accept things as they come. But, I don't know- with this. I just couldn't. It just hurt too much to think about going. To think of leaving. Too think if being so far away....
But, it's kinda funny how things work out.  Sometimes God just.. whispers something to you, and you have the confidence to move ahead. To trust Him that all will be well.
For me, I suddenly knew that this would be my last opportunity to serve my family in this way, and that I should not waste it. I knew that they would need me.  I honestly have no direction to Bangladesh, but a strong direction to my family. And that is why I am going. And as the time to leave comes closer and closer, I do have more and more peace. And it quiets all my fears.
When we left Montana, The Lord prepared my mom for her dads death. She sensed that it would be the last time she saw him when we left.  A few days ago, my mom told me she had that same sense that my dad would not be coming home with us. And she wanted us kids to be prepared for that possibility. It scared me. Of course. I cried. I cried today when a friend said goodbye to him. At the same time, it has given me even more peace about going. If that were to happen I think I would always regret not being there. It's strange, because I am scared of what hard things the future may hold for me. But at the same time I have such a deep sense of peace. 
It has been such a reminder to redeem the time now, to not waste it. To not take things for granted. And so I am enjoying bringing him a cup of coffee, or going somewhere because he wants me to or whatever. I have never been the kind of person to just say a lot of loving things. I'm much more likely to get the people I love coffee, or do their laundry, or I dunno..bake cookies... haha ;)
I know God is/is going to take care of me /us. He is so excited about going.
And so, we are just leaving Bend for Reno. Goodbyes are hard. It's all so bittersweet. So sweet to see people, so sad to say goodbye. I don't think I could do it without having confidence of Gods leading in it all. :-/