But, it's kinda funny how things work out. Sometimes God just.. whispers something to you, and you have the confidence to move ahead. To trust Him that all will be well.
For me, I suddenly knew that this would be my last opportunity to serve my family in this way, and that I should not waste it. I knew that they would need me. I honestly have no direction to Bangladesh, but a strong direction to my family. And that is why I am going. And as the time to leave comes closer and closer, I do have more and more peace. And it quiets all my fears.
When we left Montana, The Lord prepared my mom for her dads death. She sensed that it would be the last time she saw him when we left. A few days ago, my mom told me she had that same sense that my dad would not be coming home with us. And she wanted us kids to be prepared for that possibility. It scared me. Of course. I cried. I cried today when a friend said goodbye to him. At the same time, it has given me even more peace about going. If that were to happen I think I would always regret not being there. It's strange, because I am scared of what hard things the future may hold for me. But at the same time I have such a deep sense of peace.
It has been such a reminder to redeem the time now, to not waste it. To not take things for granted. And so I am enjoying bringing him a cup of coffee, or going somewhere because he wants me to or whatever. I have never been the kind of person to just say a lot of loving things. I'm much more likely to get the people I love coffee, or do their laundry, or I dunno..bake cookies... haha ;)
I know God is/is going to take care of me /us. He is so excited about going.
And so, we are just leaving Bend for Reno. Goodbyes are hard. It's all so bittersweet. So sweet to see people, so sad to say goodbye. I don't think I could do it without having confidence of Gods leading in it all. :-/
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