We had another conference meeting tonight. They have been really good. Tonight he shared on all ministry coming from a love for Christ. Somehow, in the daily chaos, I totally forget my purpose. I forget why I'm doing what I'm doing. I forget what my job is. I was reminded tonight of why I'm going to Bangladesh. I've already forgotten my purpose before I've even begun!
I have to admit, I don't feel incredibly strong or anything. I feel like the past year and a half have been characterized by weakness. I'm tired of feeling so overcome. Sometimes it seems so impossible to be at all what I ought to be. I've begun to accept the areas where I fail as normal. I am sometimes too afraid to try because I'm afraid to fail.
Anyways, tonight we had a sweet time with the people here. This is going to sound strange- but Im really shocked how much they love my family. It was a very tearful goodbye. I was thinking about how welcome and at home I feel with these people. And then I began thinking that maybe I've got it all wrong. Looking at it all wrong. I complain about not having a place to call home instead of realizing that I have many many homes...
Tomorrow I am getting on a plane and moving to the other side of the world. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid. It sort of feels like impeding doom. ;)
It is all so bittersweet. And surreal.
I am encouraged to live for Jesus. To love Him in such a way that it overflows into a life of love and service to others.
I am definitely not anywhere near that, but I can at least see the goal. I don't want to lose sight of that.
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