The days here have become so much cooler- it is so incredibly refreshing. When we first came and it was so ridiculously hot I never could have imagined buying blankets and jackets, or actually ever turning the fans off! Or that it would ever feel too cold to take a shower or go swimming...it's really weird.
I don't know where the days go- but they are so busy. And at the end of the day there doesn't seem to be any great accomplishments. We were discussing the other day how people sometimes envy those on the mission field because their lives are filled with such meaning and purpose. I used to think that- and I think that's probably why the foreign mission field was always attractive to me. Well, here I am- on the mission field- and I still envy the people whose lives have such clear direction and purpose. Both the people on foreign fields and at home. I just can't seem to find that- and it's so frustrating! Instead of feeling like I have accomplished something coming here I am afraid of going home and saying, "I don't know what that was all about. I don't know that anything was accomplished at all!" Not that I came looking for... I dunno, numbers or something like that. But I expected this great sense of purpose. But, in reality, being here is like having a mirror constantly showing me my failures, my selfishness, my inability... It's not easy. And maybe that's okay- I felt the same way doing the tent meeting, during the training program and now being here. I am glad to have been involved in all of those things, but they certainly were humbling! It's humbling to say, "Yeah, I ca hardly get myself to go out of my house and try to talk to the neighbor lady.... it's SO hard!" Okay yeah- it is pathetic.
Ugh! This language! It is so difficult- and it's s frustrating to study for 2 or 3 hours everyday and then not have a clue what people are saying to you... and sometimes I really wonder why I am learning it- but, I keep trying anyways. What else can I do?
It is challenging to just try and be obedient to what you feel God is directing you to do, and to trust Him regardless of of not seeing any purpose in it...
I don't know where the days go- but they are so busy. And at the end of the day there doesn't seem to be any great accomplishments. We were discussing the other day how people sometimes envy those on the mission field because their lives are filled with such meaning and purpose. I used to think that- and I think that's probably why the foreign mission field was always attractive to me. Well, here I am- on the mission field- and I still envy the people whose lives have such clear direction and purpose. Both the people on foreign fields and at home. I just can't seem to find that- and it's so frustrating! Instead of feeling like I have accomplished something coming here I am afraid of going home and saying, "I don't know what that was all about. I don't know that anything was accomplished at all!" Not that I came looking for... I dunno, numbers or something like that. But I expected this great sense of purpose. But, in reality, being here is like having a mirror constantly showing me my failures, my selfishness, my inability... It's not easy. And maybe that's okay- I felt the same way doing the tent meeting, during the training program and now being here. I am glad to have been involved in all of those things, but they certainly were humbling! It's humbling to say, "Yeah, I ca hardly get myself to go out of my house and try to talk to the neighbor lady.... it's SO hard!" Okay yeah- it is pathetic.
Ugh! This language! It is so difficult- and it's s frustrating to study for 2 or 3 hours everyday and then not have a clue what people are saying to you... and sometimes I really wonder why I am learning it- but, I keep trying anyways. What else can I do?
It is challenging to just try and be obedient to what you feel God is directing you to do, and to trust Him regardless of of not seeing any purpose in it...
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