It has been a strange time of life for me lately.
Since finishing the training program some ridiculously short  4 and half months or so ago... It's been really nice just getting back to being "normal".  Doing normal everyday things... At the same time, I almost feel guilty, like I am not "doing" anything really important. And probably I feel more guilty because I do not want to be doing the things we had to do in training.  Honestly- I'm perfectly happy and relieved that I don't have to go do street meetings or go door-to-door now.  Oh. It is such a relief! haha...
But what I am realizing now is... even during the training program, when I was "doing" so much, I still lacked in passion, in purpose, in vision...  I did those things because I had to. Not because I wanted to.  And it was definitely worthwhile for me to be challenged and taken out of my comfort zone.  But at the same time, I have realized that... I'm just not passionate about evangelism.  At least not in that context. ;-/
I've been coaching with my brother these last few weeks.  Its been amazing.  Really amazing.  I've kind of been existing lately- but not living life with purpose.  Not really going anywhere.  Things I used to be excited about, I'm just not excited about anymore...  And so I find myself asking.. what am I supposed to be doing?  Where do I fit in in all of this?
I don't want to just exsist.  I want to have ambitions and goals I'm working towards and excited about.  I'm just trying to figure out what those should be.
Dustyn pointed out to me last week that God gives us different giftings, different things we enjoy, and He takes them and uses them for His purposes.  That seems super obvious, but I think I have been trying to put myself into this mold of what I consider to be important, what I consider to be "spiritual", rather than using the things I am already pursuing, already passionate about and finding ways of using them for a bigger purpose.
I dunno... like I said, that seems super obvious and simple.  But it was really impacting for me.  Really exciting actually.
So anyways... right now I'm just kind of sifting through things, thinking it through and I'm excited about gaining some new perspectives/insights.  I'm excited to be finding out what things I should be pursuing right now and putting my time and effort towards those things.