That thy way may be known upon earth, thy saving health among all nations. (Psalm 67:2 KJV)

It's strange thinking about Bangladesh. I sometimes think maybe it isn't really going to happen. At other times, I. am. terrified. knowing that it IS coming. Someone asked me if I "felt spiritually prepared to go to Bangladesh?" What does that even mean?! I don't think I have any way of preparing myself/or knowing if I'm prepared. I would be setting myself up for disaster if I went thinking I had everything under control I am sure.
I have proved myself to be a true girl. My emotional swings from excitement to dread, from confidence to fear, from anticipation to terrified regarding Bangladesh have pretty much proved it. ;).
I just feel like 'living' right now. I feel like doing all those everyday life things I haven't been able to do in forever. I want to run. I want to get my camera out more often. I want to get a job. Have some money. Go shopping. Travel. I look at those things and see what they are. They really are nothing. There's no grand purpose in them. I just feel too tired to think of "heading out" again. But, that is where I'm at in life and... that's what I'm doing. Call it post-training program life. :)
But... while I'm thankful to have this "down time"... Bangladesh is still looming in the future. My attitude has been pretty bad. I think, "Hey! The sooner we go the sooner we get back!" I allow all sorts of fears to eat at me, "What/who will I lose if I go? What will I miss out on? Who will be waiting for me when I get back? Will everyone's lives just go on without me?" I'm sure I'm being too dramatic. :)
But when it all comes down to it, I realize it is pure selfishness. And isn't that another word for emptiness? If God is telling me to go, what would I miss out on if I stayed? Am I willing to turn my eyes away from a people with so great a need as the Bengalis... just so I can do what I want to do?
Once again. ... and I keep coming back to this over and over and over again... There's nothing to do but trust God. First for today. And then to rest knowing He will take care of us, our needs, our wants, our fears and whatever else just as well tomorrow as He did today. And that is all.