I dreamed I was at my cousin Jade's wedding. I was talking to her... but the whole time I felt so distant. In my dream it was as though I had been totally missing from her life. Totally uninvolved. I began to ask her how her and this guy met. And as I asked I realized it was strange that I didn't know? Like I said.. it's like I hadn't really been there. Had just showed up. And was trying to pick up where I left off... only to realize that everybody's lives had moved on without me. There were other dear friends at her wedding too. All of which were either married... moved on... or just distant. In the crowd I would see faces that I should have known. But didn't. Not really. Faces that were dear and familiar. But I would realize that... I didn't know them anymore. They had moved on. I would look from face to face searching for some remains of what used to be there. But it was gone. In the end I just went off by myself. Totally alone.
It was such a disturbing dream. Because it was too real.
Today I have been thinking of all the relationships I have been in where I felt so close to a person that I thought nothing could ever change that. That we would be close for the rest of our lives. But life throws things at you that you are not expecting. Things change. We change. Circumstances that are beyond our control come into play. And you see people move on. grow distant. walk away. People that you know never wanted that... it's just. what. happened. And it continues to happen.
I hate that. In the end, it seems like we're just fighting to hold on to each other. When sometimes, for whatever reason, whether it's because it easier to let go or because life forces you to let go.
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