I guess the rain is here to stay for awhile. Cause it's not stopping.
I keep forgetting how long everything here takes. I went out shopping today in search of a few things. And came back with none of it. So it goes.
Today we were walking down the street and this guy reaches out his hand to Emily. We've had lots of men come up and shake all of our hands, say hello and ask us where we're from, so we didn't think much of it. Until the guy grabbed her hand, twisted her arm around so he could get a good grip. pulled her to the truck and wouldn't let go! Emily really had to fight to get away. It was actually really creepy. I don't know that she was in any real danger. But it just makes you realize how extra cautious you have to be. Poor girl! It really scared her. As the guy drove away he just kept smirking at us. I tried to give him my most angry look, which I apparently failed at according to Emily. haha.. I did shake my head at him...what can I say? I tried. ;) I wanted to punch him in the face.
It's busy now, and sometimes I get caught up in all this 'doing' and I never stop to think about where I'm at, where I'm going. If you asked me where I'm at? I would tell you I don't know. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I really felt I was doing well. I don't remember the last time I felt like I was moving forward. Austin put it pretty well the other day when he said, "It seems like the higher I get up on the perceived holiness scale, the less holy I feel." And it's true. I'm like- on the mission field. And I feel more aimless than I ever have. Kinda feel like a failure. A disappointment. It seems like my parents are pretty disappointed in me. They see a lot of fault, and I don't blame them- I see it too. And, I guess, I'm disappointed in me too. I just don't know how to change really. I guess with their disapproval, and my own- I just don't have that feeling that God looks at my life with great pleasure.. and I've kinda been stuck here for awhile. Just feeling pretty low. Being humbled is one thing, it's another to feel defeated. I feel too weak to try. I don't want to think about it, because it's too hard, and it feels impossible and mostly cause I don't know where to start. And, if I'm honest, I've just kind of become lazy. I've started living with a flippant, 'oh well, I don't care attitude'. I don't really know why. I know I don't want to stay here, I just don't know the way forward.
Anyways, I guess that's where I'm at.
Other than that, we finally had Emily's birthday party. We went out for pizza last night and went shopping in the markets on the beach. Then today we went out for coffee at Cafe 14- which is always nice. :)
I keep forgetting how long everything here takes. I went out shopping today in search of a few things. And came back with none of it. So it goes.
Today we were walking down the street and this guy reaches out his hand to Emily. We've had lots of men come up and shake all of our hands, say hello and ask us where we're from, so we didn't think much of it. Until the guy grabbed her hand, twisted her arm around so he could get a good grip. pulled her to the truck and wouldn't let go! Emily really had to fight to get away. It was actually really creepy. I don't know that she was in any real danger. But it just makes you realize how extra cautious you have to be. Poor girl! It really scared her. As the guy drove away he just kept smirking at us. I tried to give him my most angry look, which I apparently failed at according to Emily. haha.. I did shake my head at him...what can I say? I tried. ;) I wanted to punch him in the face.
It's busy now, and sometimes I get caught up in all this 'doing' and I never stop to think about where I'm at, where I'm going. If you asked me where I'm at? I would tell you I don't know. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I really felt I was doing well. I don't remember the last time I felt like I was moving forward. Austin put it pretty well the other day when he said, "It seems like the higher I get up on the perceived holiness scale, the less holy I feel." And it's true. I'm like- on the mission field. And I feel more aimless than I ever have. Kinda feel like a failure. A disappointment. It seems like my parents are pretty disappointed in me. They see a lot of fault, and I don't blame them- I see it too. And, I guess, I'm disappointed in me too. I just don't know how to change really. I guess with their disapproval, and my own- I just don't have that feeling that God looks at my life with great pleasure.. and I've kinda been stuck here for awhile. Just feeling pretty low. Being humbled is one thing, it's another to feel defeated. I feel too weak to try. I don't want to think about it, because it's too hard, and it feels impossible and mostly cause I don't know where to start. And, if I'm honest, I've just kind of become lazy. I've started living with a flippant, 'oh well, I don't care attitude'. I don't really know why. I know I don't want to stay here, I just don't know the way forward.
Anyways, I guess that's where I'm at.
Other than that, we finally had Emily's birthday party. We went out for pizza last night and went shopping in the markets on the beach. Then today we went out for coffee at Cafe 14- which is always nice. :)
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