Just sitting here waiting for class to start... in the dark- because the electricity is out yet again. It's pretty annoying especially since I haven't had my morning coffee yet. Which btw, is now usually instant coffee.. haha.. never thought I'd see the day that that happened!
Someone made the comment to my Mom, "It's hard there? Really? It looks like you're living in paradise! The beach. Beautiful clothes. Coffee!" Someone else asked her, "So what are the things you love?" So we were all talking about it yesterday. And it's funny. Because there are a lot of things that are interesting, and there are a lot of things that are okay here. And then there's just the fact that everything is more challenging. There are a lot of things that are better than I expected them to be. For instance- Yes. the clothes are beautiful. But what people don't see in the pictures is that we are wearing big scarves and long pants in like 86 degree weather and 70 percent humidity. The beach is a lot of fun, but it's literally the only place we have to go. So the other day we had a day off and so we got dressed to go someone where and couldn't think of anywhere to go but walk to the beach! haha... The coffee shop is really nice- and it's more than I expected to have, but I wouldn't ever buy that coffee in the states. Our kitchen is totally fine. Totally workable, but there's all the little things like mold that has to be cleaned, and you have to heat water for dishes, and you have to fill basins to wash the dishes in... it's not a big deal. But all of those little things add up- and some days it's overwhelming. It's all okay, and you can deal with it. It's not extremely hard so it's hard to explain. Sometimes the electricity goes off and so we sit in the dark with sweat pouring down our faces. So annoying! haha.. And everywhere you go people are following you, staring at you, taking pictures of you- sometimes that's annoying. Us girls are getting more and more concerned about going out alone.There's no one to talk to because we don't speak the language. You go shopping and you have to be creative in trying to communicate what you want.. It's all okay, but some days it's just a lot.
I have to confess- the other night I just felt so overwhelmed and tired. I went and laid on my bed, just feeling pretty sorry for myself. I just wanted to lay there and cry. I had to remind myself why I came- and so I just got up and found some work to do. Actually- it really helped me. And I want to keep that perspective. I want to live with purpose everyday. And, more than that- I want to do it with a right heart. Which- oh my goodness- I'm really failing at right now.
In a lot of ways, I kind of feel like I'm at a point of decision right now. For a long time, it seems like I've kind of been..in the middle. And I'm kind of tired of it. It seems like there has to be a point when you decide if it will be all for God or nothing. It's not okay to be so stagnate.
We have a friend here who is one of the very few believers here. He goes out and shares about Jesus with people, and they don't like it. He he has been beaten and put in jail... and I think he was 15 at the time? The church he goes to doesn't like that he goes out and shares and baptizes people- so he cannot share what he's doing with them without causing big problems. He's totally alone. He has no friends here. He lives in a Hindu part of town where people don't really like some of the things they do- so they have to secretive otherwise there will be big problems. And they have to be secretive with the Muslims as well. Like 7 or 8 years ago his mother had a stroke and she can't talk anymore, and she can't really use one of her arms. He said they spent all of their money on her medical bills. Then a year or so ago his father was hit by a motorcycle and couldn't work for 6 months. He is very poor, with very little support, and yet he still goes out to villages and preaches and shares with people. He's trying to encourage his church to share more... He told me yesterday something about not being able to sleep well because he is the oldest son and he is responsible for his family and he has so much stress. It is really hard and he's just totally alone. It's actually pretty humbling- kinda makes you realize how pathetic you are. Kind of makes me realize where I'm at- it's not enough. It's not enough to be so half-hearted. And there must come a point where you decide which way you're going to go.
Someone made the comment to my Mom, "It's hard there? Really? It looks like you're living in paradise! The beach. Beautiful clothes. Coffee!" Someone else asked her, "So what are the things you love?" So we were all talking about it yesterday. And it's funny. Because there are a lot of things that are interesting, and there are a lot of things that are okay here. And then there's just the fact that everything is more challenging. There are a lot of things that are better than I expected them to be. For instance- Yes. the clothes are beautiful. But what people don't see in the pictures is that we are wearing big scarves and long pants in like 86 degree weather and 70 percent humidity. The beach is a lot of fun, but it's literally the only place we have to go. So the other day we had a day off and so we got dressed to go someone where and couldn't think of anywhere to go but walk to the beach! haha... The coffee shop is really nice- and it's more than I expected to have, but I wouldn't ever buy that coffee in the states. Our kitchen is totally fine. Totally workable, but there's all the little things like mold that has to be cleaned, and you have to heat water for dishes, and you have to fill basins to wash the dishes in... it's not a big deal. But all of those little things add up- and some days it's overwhelming. It's all okay, and you can deal with it. It's not extremely hard so it's hard to explain. Sometimes the electricity goes off and so we sit in the dark with sweat pouring down our faces. So annoying! haha.. And everywhere you go people are following you, staring at you, taking pictures of you- sometimes that's annoying. Us girls are getting more and more concerned about going out alone.There's no one to talk to because we don't speak the language. You go shopping and you have to be creative in trying to communicate what you want.. It's all okay, but some days it's just a lot.
I have to confess- the other night I just felt so overwhelmed and tired. I went and laid on my bed, just feeling pretty sorry for myself. I just wanted to lay there and cry. I had to remind myself why I came- and so I just got up and found some work to do. Actually- it really helped me. And I want to keep that perspective. I want to live with purpose everyday. And, more than that- I want to do it with a right heart. Which- oh my goodness- I'm really failing at right now.
In a lot of ways, I kind of feel like I'm at a point of decision right now. For a long time, it seems like I've kind of been..in the middle. And I'm kind of tired of it. It seems like there has to be a point when you decide if it will be all for God or nothing. It's not okay to be so stagnate.
We have a friend here who is one of the very few believers here. He goes out and shares about Jesus with people, and they don't like it. He he has been beaten and put in jail... and I think he was 15 at the time? The church he goes to doesn't like that he goes out and shares and baptizes people- so he cannot share what he's doing with them without causing big problems. He's totally alone. He has no friends here. He lives in a Hindu part of town where people don't really like some of the things they do- so they have to secretive otherwise there will be big problems. And they have to be secretive with the Muslims as well. Like 7 or 8 years ago his mother had a stroke and she can't talk anymore, and she can't really use one of her arms. He said they spent all of their money on her medical bills. Then a year or so ago his father was hit by a motorcycle and couldn't work for 6 months. He is very poor, with very little support, and yet he still goes out to villages and preaches and shares with people. He's trying to encourage his church to share more... He told me yesterday something about not being able to sleep well because he is the oldest son and he is responsible for his family and he has so much stress. It is really hard and he's just totally alone. It's actually pretty humbling- kinda makes you realize how pathetic you are. Kind of makes me realize where I'm at- it's not enough. It's not enough to be so half-hearted. And there must come a point where you decide which way you're going to go.
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